If conventional, cat food-powered cats aren’t green enough for your LEED Certified lifestyle, try a solar powered cat. Go ahead! But don’t say Philip K. Dick didn’t warn you about this particular dystopian future.
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Bartfeld Sales Co.
Next time you’re driving out of Foods Co. with a truckload of cheap beer, be sure to stop and look across the street. The reclaimed wood exterior of 14th Street’s Bartfeld Sales Co. received a colorful makeover in recent months thanks to local artists.
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Fall fashion
(Spotted on 2nd Street.)
Hey everyone, there’s a new look this fall that’s already hitting the streets. You have to try it! All you need is your tear-off receipts from your ballot, two pennies, some tape, and your favorite hat.
This new look is the talk of the town, so get started! OMG you’re going to look awesome!!
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Proposition U (the “Sin Tax” Legislation)
It’s voting day, and this flyer appeared on various utility poles near 16th and Mission this morning.
The text reads:
Proposition U (the “Sin Tax” Legislation)
Argument In Favor of Proposition U:
No pleasure without pain.
Rebuttal to Argument in Favor of Proposition U:
Beware the wiles of mustachioed ladies. Are we really okay with a one-eyed King? Say wolverines, or badgers, scratch through the low window, behind the Hydrangeas. Or a possum. Or an opossum? Either way — they’re still inside the house.
Argument Opposed to Proposition U:
If dolphins were larger, would they have old tires stuck around their heads, instead of old six-pack rings? Tracking polls indicate near universal acceptance of [argument]. We need to get back to defiling the native architecture.
Rebuttal to Argument Opposed to Proposition U:
There sits one day in a place far away a little girl and her doll. And her doll could be at risk and her risk could be very real even if the doll’s imaginary friend ran for office.
Paid Argument In Favor of Proposition U:
It’s like I said before. Your ship as come in, buddy! Stop fighting it.
Paid Argument Opposed to Proposition U:
A voter walks into a bar. He — and let’s just say it’s a he — sits down at a table. And let’s just say a gal comes over and sits on his lap. It’s a free country.What do you think, readers? How are you going to vote on Proposition U?
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ArTREEstic
An odd piece of framed art recently appeared on a tree on Dolores Street. How artreestic! Click the images for a larger view.
(Spotted at 16th and Dolores)
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Instacart shopper entrance
(Spotted in South Park) Um… what is going on here? Even I don’t use Instacart enough to have a special entrance just for my grocery delivery guy — and I’m about as lazy as it gets.
What next? Special Lyft-only parking? Laundry just for AirBnB guests? A credit card that only works with Kickstarter?
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San Francisco tourist FAQ from a local
In the interest of helping tourists who are new to San Francisco, as a local I thought I’d answer a few common questions.Q: Should I go to Alcatraz/Pier 39/cable cars/Coit Tower?
A: How the hell would I know?Q: How do I get to…
A: Well, first you pull your phone out of your pocket. Then you start the maps app, and you type in where you’re going.Q: Where’s the entrance to the Golden Gate Bridge?
A: You’re already on the Golden Gate Bridge. You just can’t see it through all the fog.Q: Where can I park around here?
A: You can’t. Whoever told you to rent that car owes you an apology.Q: Since bread bowls are high in carbs, why are San Franciscans so thin?
A: Fact: Nobody who lives in San Francisco has ever eaten soup in a bread bowl.Q: What do the locals eat?
A: Typical, healthy San Franciscans eat 1 to 1.5 times their body weight per month in burritos (or as you call them, “Chi-POH-tly.”)Q: Should I head over to Haight-Ashbury, get high, and put a flower in my hair?
A: The wind will blow the flower away. And you’ll get busted ineptly trying to buy drugs from some dumbass in Golden Gate Park. So please, go right ahead.Q: Can you show me where my favorite episodes of Full House and Monk were filmed?
A: Yes, but first we’ll have to get in your rental car and drive down to Burbank.Q: I saw two hairy, shirtless men in the street, wearing leather masks and whipping each other. Is there some kind of street fair going on?
A: Nope. -
Journeyman’s San Fauxisco
Did you ever see the 2007 TV series Journeyman? No? Neither did anyone else. The short-lived series is about a newspaper journalist in San Francisco who accidentally travels through time to hang out with his ex-fiancee.
And if that wasn’t strange enough, this man lives in a bay area mansion on a journalist’s salary.
The show is set in San Francisco, yet filmed mostly in San Fauxisco, a strange and magical land where it’s cheaper to film.
But audiences are stupid and require frequent reminders about a show’s setting. Rather than limit themselves to the 100 seconds of footage actually shot on location, Hollywood prefers cheap set pieces and inexpensive effects.
Here’s two examples from the very first episode. Our time-traveling hero Dan wakes up in Golden Gate Park. Which, of course, has an amazing view of the Golden Gate Bridge:
Later, Dan’s wife Katie walks down a suburban street, which obviously needs a Bart/Muni subway stop:
Click any of the images to enlarge.
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16 reasons laws should include animated GIFs
Image via Buzzfeed Consider this for a moment: What do people enjoy reading these days?
If the internet has taught us anything, it’s that everyone wants listicles with animated GIFs. This is why Buzzfeed has an Alexa ranking of 221 whereas, let’s say The Atlantic, is ranked far lower at 1,868.
So why does our government keep producing longreads? Just look at the Obamacare bill; according to Wikipedia it’s 906 pages. And that’s nothing compared to all 73,954 pages of federal income tax laws. Who has time for that? We all have to pay taxes and take care of our health, but you’d need superpowers to plow through all those documents on your own.
It wasn’t always this way. In fact, a few of our first national laws were in listicle format. But somewhere along the way we got off track.
Next time you see your government representative tell them you’ve had enough of their lengthy manifestos. From now on you want simple laws you can read, preferably with lists and animated GIFs of cats falling off chairs.
Because that’s what everyone wants these days; after all it was enough to bait you into reading this post.
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Fogust descends on Dolores Park
This is the time of year when a lot of us take time off for vacation. The season of summer needs time off as well, which is why we have the month of Fogust.
A strange thing happens as the fog engulfs the city; the area around Dolores Park is shielded from the fog by Twin Peaks, leaving a big sunny patch. One has to wonder if a certain Junipero Serra took this heavenly parting as a sign for where he should start construction when he arrived here in Fogust of 1776 (Okay, June 29th, but close enough.)
And perhaps one day in the distant future, archeologists will stumble on this sunny spot in the foggy ruins of our city. And maybe they’ll figure out why San Franciscans spent so much time fighting over building things that — most of the time — nobody could even see.
About Eric
Travel, movies, comedy, tech, and whatever I find on the streets of San Francisco.
Contact: mrericsir “at” gmail.com
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