Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Wait, which California city is the “adult Disneyland”?

July 5th, 2021
Solvang

Image used under a Creative Commons license

 

SFGate recently ran an article that compared the small town of Solvang in Santa Barbara County to Disneyland. Although the comparison was seemingly intended to be positive they took a lot of heat for this clearly questionable take.

Go ahead and read the article… and then think about it for a second.

If the criteria for an “adult Disneyland” is food, fake ye olde fashioned looking buildings, a tiki bar, and a couple of windmills then guess what? 

You don’t need to leave San Francisco to find this “adult Disneyland.” It’s been right here all along. Who knew?

The best part? I know people love paying outrageous ticket prices to visit Disneyland and the prices in and around San Francisco are just as wild. Yay!

While we may not have Space Mountain, you can get on a cable car and close your eyes. A fireworks show every night? You bet your ass! Here, light this and throw it quick or you might lose a finger.

Though the last animatronic figures probably left town when FAO Schwarz closed their Union Square store, you can find outdoor street performances in the same part of town. Just look for the Michael Jackson impersonator at 4th and Market (gets call from Disney) sorry, I’m being asked by corporate to retract that last part. Apparently there’s some sort of branding issue regarding Captain EO.

But in the “comparing Disneyland to San Francisco” department it turns out I’m kind of late to the party as Mr. Show with Bob (Odenkirk) and David (Cross) did this exact bit… back in 1996. 

 

 

Oh and by the way, if that Mr. Show sketch seems familiar it might be because I covered it here on this blog a decade ago.

… and history repeats itself. See you here again ten years from now with a new take on this same joke.

Lawyer reacts to the (On Cinema) Trial of Tim Heidecker

June 20th, 2021

The cult comedy series On Cinema has had many crowning achievements, but arguably the largest is The Trial of Tim Heidecker. In the trial the host of the series is accused of a felony regarding an unpermitted concert in San Bernardino where 20 people died after using a toxic vape system Heidecker was promoting.

In the trial Heidecker takes a wide defense, not only defending himself pro se against the charges but also bringing in witnesses to testify against his On Cinema guest/co-host Gregg Turkington and attempts to litigate their ongoing disagreements under oath. This goes so far as to bring in writer/director Nicholas Meyer to settle a dispute about which Star Trek movie is the one that takes place in San Francisco.

YouTube’s mysterious algorithm led many outsiders to believe The Trial was a real event, leading to an unlikely if confusing introduction to On Cinema for those who had never even heard of it.

Due to this unlikely combination, many fans have been pushing for a “reaction” video. For those unfamiliar with the concept, a reaction video can be anything from kids trying to use some obsolete technology like a VCR to (in this case) a real life lawyer reacting to a fictional trial.

If you’re completely unfamiliar with the format there are plenty of videos out there of lawyers reacting to Better Call Saul or even the last episode of Seinfeld. Lawyer reaction videos are very much a thing.

While it may be a couple years late, credit where credit is due to YouTube channel AttorneyTom for covering The Trial of Tim Heidecker. Though Tom is unfamiliar with the series he’s easily able to grasp what’s going on and for the most part praises the realism of the trial and explains some of the legal concepts.

Without further ado, here are the reaction videos from AttorneyTom:

Eight most outrageous moments during the 2021 On Cinema Oscar Special

April 27th, 2021

“It’s been” a little over a year after the last On Cinema Oscar Special, and many changes have happened. Aside from the pandemic, On Cinema was dropped along with the entire streaming portion of Adult Swim’s lineup. Thankfully this wasn’t the end of On Cinema; fans (self included) chipped in financially for the next season and this Oscar Special. It streamed this year on the new HEI Network behind a paywall. Sort of…

We can’t talk about this year’s Oscar Special without talking about last year’s, as it ended with a carbon monoxide poisoning that killed two people, including the caterer Tom Chaplin. Many blamed this on Gregg Turkington as he left his car running in the studio.

But the big thing is, On Cinema somehow manages to top itself every year. Despite the behind the scenes financial issues somehow this year did not miss a beat.

Even for those of us who’ve been fans for a long time the amazing thing about On Cinema is that the jokes go so deep it’s like peeling back layers of a thick onion, and by the time you understand them you’ll be crying — with laughter. So here we go again.

 

8. The dueling feeds

After Tim Heidecker announced his 8th Annual On Cinema Oscar Special guests — and the list didn’t include Gregg — we quickly learned that Gregg would be hosting his own 9th Annual “Our Cinema” Oscar Special, effectively one-upping Tim. And the best news? It would be completely free!

Gregg started his feed on YouTube over an hour before Tim’s “official” Oscar Special with a screening of the 1937 public domain film Affairs of Cappy Ricks. Following that, Gregg appeared on a shaky handheld camera phone camera to introduce us to a parking lot that was used in Back to the Future, and wouldn’t you know it — his car, which is now a mobile film archive, is parked there and decorated like the DeLorean from the Back to the Future films. But it gets better! Gregg himself is dressed like Marty McFly from Back to the Future 3.

Now a normal comedy show would back down on this premise of having two separate feeds right when the main one kicked in, but this is On Cinema we’re talking about. Even after Tim eventually backs down and invites Gregg to his Oscar Special, Gregg’s feed continues even to the point where he’s in the bathroom at the studio and driving away at the end.

This second feed adds an element of pure chaos. You never really know which one you should be watching, and at some points both Tim and Gregg are talking at the same time. But for the most part Gregg’s feed is pointed at the ground and you hear him grumbling and making snarky remarks about Tim’s show.

 

7. The rat test

Unable to let the events of last year’s Oscar Special go to rest, Tim has a miniature version of the set built in a glass case with a live lab rat. He intends to pump car exhaust into the case with the help of his “investigator” LaRoux in order to prove that carbon monoxide is lethal.

Things don’t quite go as planned however when the car exhaust enters the set through a hose and everyone begins coughing, apparently having learned nothing from last year. After his wife Toni protests killing a rat to prove a point, Tim relents and abandons the experiment.

Tim later claims the rat died of unrelated causes, so even if he had gone ahead with the experiment it would have rendered the results entirely inconclusive.

 

6. Fox News parody

Over the years Tim has taken on the personality of a particular brand of a conservative blowhard, and that’s very much on point here as the entire set for this Oscar Special looks straight out of Fox News.

Tim goes all in on this, kicking things off with a parody of Greg Gutfeld’s late night “comedy” show on Fox News. Despite having the appearance of The Daily Show or Last Week Tonight, all of Tim’s conservative jokes fall flat and show no self awareness whatsoever. (The entire segment can be watched above.)

(On the meta side of things, Gregg used to be a regular on Gutfeld’s previous show Red Eye but in character as Neil Hamburger.)

 

5. The repulsive catering

This year the show went in a new direction with catering, this time with a sponsorship from the shady supplement company Rio-Jenesis with their RJ’s Shake Station brand. 

Tim gets a shake that’s made with an inexplicable combination of vegetables, some kind of potato soup, hard liquor, and a supplement from Rio Jenesis called “VaxxBlock” which is intended to prevent the COVID-19 vaccines from working.

After all, as a Trumpian conservative Tim wants the advantages of the vaccine like being able to travel abroad without the disadvantages such as whatever conspiracy theories are being touted this week.

But most importantly, he wants to get drunk.

 

4. The singer

Wendy Kirby, a young friend of Toni’s from her church is brought in as the singer for this year’s Oscar Special. She’s also the brother of the guy running the catering stand.

She sings a version of Tim’s song “Empty Bottle,” perhaps the fifth or sixth version we’ve heard so far, over a karaoke version of the song. It quickly becomes clear she doesn’t know all the lyrics though nobody seems to even notice or care.

At the end she’s trotted out again over the disastrous ending — which I’ll get to a moment — to sing a rendition of “Back In the High Life Again” by Steve Winwood. (Or should it be “Back in the HEI Life Again”?) 

 

3. Toni’s cosmetic face masks

Tim’s horrible wife Toni Newman is just as much of a scam artist as her husband, and is now hawking a line of cosmetic face masks. To demonstrate them she applies them to both Tim and his bandmate Manuel, with Tim immediately complaining of a burning sensation and is unable to remove the mask despite pouring ice all over his face.

After a break, Tim’s face has gone from spray-tan orange to bright red, and he’s kicked his wife Toni off the set. Manuel hasn’t suffered, though it’s worth noting that part of Tim’s facial skin was grafted from Manuel’s lower back or “ass” in season 8 after Tim accidentally set himself on fire.

 

2. Tim’s stepson and potential new child

Matt Newman was introduced at the last Oscar Special as Tim’s stepson from his current wife Toni. Despite an awkward conversation between the two of them it was clear that Matt was into online video games and not much else.

This time Matt was back via an unstable Zoom call and seemed more focused on playing games than interacting with Tim.

Tim drunkenly told Matt — or tried to anyway — that he’ll soon be having a new sibling as he just got Toni pregnant. Toni isn’t particularly appreciative of Tim sharing this news as it wasn’t meant to be public yet. It also doesn’t bode well for the pregnancy as Toni is drinking schnapps throughout the special.

 

1. Gregg storming off the set and escaping LaRoux

Tim’s ongoing plan to investigate the carbon monoxide poisoning of the last Oscar Special ends with LaRoux blaming everything on Gregg. This causes Gregg to storm off the set and lock himself in his car/mobile film archive. 

When Gregg attempts to leave he’s intercepted by LaRoux who tries to block him. It’s implied (though not shown) that Gregg ran over LaRoux with his car while escaping. None of this is shown in either feed, though we soon see Gregg driving away on his feed and Wendy singing “Back in the HEI Life Again” on Tim’s feed.

Over the credits, Tim claims that LaRoux was injured but will be okay, implying that yet another Oscar Special has resulted in needless injuries. Plus a dead rat.

 

Honorable mentions

  • Tim unveils a new song for his wife, “Your Love Gets Me HEI,” which is just as cringe-inducing as the title would suggest.
  • Mark is back… sort of. A fan’s home footage of Mark included Mark saying he didn’t want to be involved with the “VFW”, which may have been a confused reference to Gregg’s VFA or perhaps something else? It raised more questions than answers, but the point is that Mark is still alive after all.
  • Al Pacino’s birthday! This didn’t go anywhere despite several segments including Manuel and Axiom impersonating Pacino. Gregg verbally shat all over Pacino for declining to participate in several of his favorite film franchises.
  • The Minions! Ever since Tim announced the HEI Network, he’s complained off and on about Minions — the characters from the Despicable Me franchise — appearing on his website allegedly due to hackers. During this Oscar Special a Minion stuffed animal appeared in various shots, sometimes noted by Tim but often not. 
  • Josh Trank, who directed the Fantastic Four movie (which Tim had a small part in) called in via Zoom. Gregg used this segment to reignite a debate about whether or not Tim paid a fee to appear in this movie, though it was ultimately unresolved as Trank’s Zoom connection was unstable.
  • Despite Tim’s ongoing social media claim that Axiom is his new “Mister Movies” it was clear Axiom hadn’t seen any of the movies nominated for this year’s Oscars. The usually spineless Joe Estevez convinced Tim to bring Gregg back to the show to provide movie expertise. And wouldn’t you know it, underneath his Back to the Future 3 costume Gregg was wearing a yellow t-shirt with a custom screen print that says “The REAL Mister Movies.” 

Tim and Eric answer my question about more live shows

January 11th, 2021

 

On a January 1st 2021 stream, comedy duo Tim & Eric took a number of questions from the online chat. One of the questions they addressed was one I asked about if they had any new live shows planned.

Shortly before the COVID-19 pandemic the last live show I went to was Tim and Eric’s Mandatory Tour which I thoroughly enjoyed shortly before the pandemic and the stay home order.

As you can see in the clip above it turns out they had plans to extend the Mandatory Tour, except the entire ending threw cold water on that idea as it involved a deadly disease and one member of the audience being placed in a coffin — obviously that would not be funny in the pandemic and its aftermath.

To me though the funniest part of the clip is Tim riffing on my name, pointing out that it’s the name of two of his favorite collaborators put together.

Spirit Halloween now has an official theme song, sort of

September 19th, 2020

Spirit Halloween, the nationwide chain of pop-up Halloween costume and decoration stores that appear in empty storefronts in the months leading up to Halloween, now has an official theme song. Well… maybe.

Comedy musician Nick Lutsko recently created a catchy theme song for Spirit Halloween, which takes some rather unexpected and frightening twists.

See and hear for yourself in the video below:

As referenced in the song he originally posted this video here on Twitter, where it’s received thousands of retweets. So that means Spirit Halloween is on the hook to Venmo him some money, right?

In one of the replies to the video tweet, that’s exactly what Spirit Halloween claims to have done:

Now I can’t verify that any money changed hands of course — but assuming it did — that would make this an official theme song… in a way.

Review: The Get Rich and Become God Method

July 17th, 2020
Book cover

If you’ve ever spent time in the self-help section of a bookstore, you’ve probably noticed there are two types of books in the category: specific subjects and general subjects. Specific self-help books might be something about playing the stock market or an introduction to chardonnay tasting. Those are fine, though the audience is going to be fairly limited. On the other hand the general self-help books cover a broad topic anyone might find appealing, the most well known of which is “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” The downside to these general self-help books is they’re so generic you’ve almost certainly heard all of the advice in the book long before you read it. 

The new self-help e-book from internet persona Dril takes the general subject self-help book in a different direction. In The Get Rich and Become God Method you’ll learn… well, nothing really. Or to put it another way, it’s a satire — but also just as effective as the genre it’s mocking.

Before getting into the book I think it’s worth addressing the character writing it. Dril writes with the voice of someone who’s talking down to you, yet has no clue what’s going on. His main concern in life seems to involve getting trolled online, which fills him with an impotent rage. He’s both a grizzled old man and obsessed with video games. 

The book’s title is an acronym; each letter stands for a step to follow as part of the process. For example, the first “E” in the word “Become” stands for “E-mails.” The book is divided into sections based on these steps, though the content is often entirely unrelated to the section’s theme.

Obviously the book, which is allegedly sponsored by the frozen pretzel brand SuperPretzel, doesn’t teach you how to get rich or become “the supreme ruler of heaven and Earth.” Or anything else, really. Some of the advice seems to be rather specifically aimed at Dril himself.

Dril’s online lore is present throughout the book. His frenemy Digitmon Otis gets some words in about the future, as well as the obscure Bandai WonderSwan handheld game console. We also learn Dril still has a beef with user beavis_sinatra, who “terrorizes” him with photos of cups too close to the edge of tables.

The graphic design and illustration look like something a ten year old would have made on GeoCities in the mid 90’s, and the text has typos to match the aesthetic. Many sections are challenging to read due to the formatting. 

I don’t want to spoil too much of this book, but some of the advice includes:

  • Demanding the toilet be removed from your home so you can wear diapers.
  • The key to getting rich turns out to be quite simple: money. Several tips for making money are included, such as betting on dog racing.
  • Playing video games to train for real life. Not owning every gaming console is compared to missing vital organs in your body.

Some of the more random sections of the book include:

  • A review of a game called “Racism Simulator 2007.”
  • Newspaper clippings that include, among other things, a review of a garbage dump.
  • A defense of wearing blackface… on your penis.
  • A tragic tale about how Dril was bullied by a car dealer into purchasing a horrible car filled with boiling grease.

My recommendation: If you find this sort of odd anecdotal humor as funny as I do, you’ll get a kick out of The Get Rich and Become God Method. It’s available as a PDF and can be purchased here.

Eric Andre: Legalize Everything review

June 28th, 2020
Trailer for Legalize Everything

If you’re familiar with Eric Andre, you probably recognize him from The Eric Andre Show. If not let me explain: his eponymous show is like an inverted talk show; instead of going for an hour or two, each episode is 15 minutes. Instead of trying to make the guests feel comfortable, he does the exact opposite. It’s a mix of fast-paced cringe humor and straight up surrealism — in one episode he murders his co-host Hannibal Buress which somehow leads into a Twin Peaks homage — and I’d be lying if I said that was the weirdest part of the episode. So as you can imagine it’s not your typical talk show.

I’d never seen Andre’s standup before so I didn’t know quite what to expect from his first comedy special, Eric Andre: Legalize Everything on Netflix. Was this going to be a live version of The Eric Andre Show, or more conventional standup material? The answer: a little from column A, a little from column B.

Filmed in New Orleans shortly before the COVID-19 pandemic and before the murders of Breonna Taylor, George Floyd, and far too many more Black Americans by police, Legalize Everything is a standup special that by some strange coincidence was released at the moment it was needed most.

First, we haven’t had live comedy shows to see in months and probably won’t again in the near future, so new comedy specials are a welcome rarity right now. Second, the half Black half Jewish (or in his words, “bluish”) comedian Eric Andre has a unique perspective fit for the current era. One of the most biting jokes in the entire special is in the trailer above in which Andre makes fun of how the TV show COPS glorifies police brutality against anyone who’s not white and/or wealthy, all to the tune of the most incongruous theme music possible.

 

Mild spoilers for Legalize Everything below.

 

The show opens with a sketch, as many standup specials do these days. This sketch seems straight out of The Eric Andre Show, with Andre impersonating a cop who’s drunk and offering people hits from a giant bong.

Once he hits the stage Andre tackles a wide variety of subjects with his signature frantic intensity: bad drug drips, being mistaken for two men at the same time, bizarre sexual experiences, the horrors of Calvinism in American history, etc.

Throughout Legalize Everything Andre calls out members of the audience for random and uncomfortable reasons, though never devolves into insult humor. In one case he even takes the phone from a volunteer to send text messages. This type of material subverts the expectations of standup comedy — nobody can heckle a comedian who’s preemptively heckling the audience.

 

End spoilers.

 

Though a couple of the jokes don’t quite land as hard as they might have, everything works here. There’s no question Eric Andre had refined his set by the time this special was filmed and he’s giving it his all in his performance.

Standup comedy is inherently character driven; the comedian is playing a caricature (often but not always of themselves) who tells jokes that speak to the truth of the character in some humorous way. In Andre’s case his caricature is that of an outsider with the energy of a coked-up lunatic who’s armed to the teeth with nuclear truth bombs.

Comedy is also about timing. It’s hard to imagine this special landing at a better time, as Andre squeezes humor out of timely subjects such as America’s racism, poverty, and historical context. Would you be surprised if I told you this special was filmed back in November of 2019? Of course little has changed since then, we’re just more outraged about it now.

I think the audience for Legalize Everything will probably be fairly self-selecting, but even those who aren’t familiar with Andre will likely find solid material to laugh at here — more than can be said for your average Netflix comedy special. If nothing else it’s certainly an hour long spectacle to gawk at.

Personally, Legalize Everything was easily captivating enough to hold my attention, funny enough to make me laugh hard many times, and perhaps most astonishingly, deep enough to make me think — the latter of which are words I can’t believe I’m saying about Eric Andre of all people. There’s no way I give this any less than a perfect score, this is the comedy special we needed right when we needed it.

Rating: 10/10

Review: Marion’s Wish

April 12th, 2020
 

Earlier this week the three comedians behind On Cinema released a free short story as an e-book titled Marion’s Wish. According to the forward this book is the result of a text message conversation between Tim Heidecker, Mark Proksch, and Gregg Turkington while they’re all self isolating for COVID-19.

Although it’s not officially part of the On Cinema universe in any way, it has certain similarities. Specifically Tim is the instigator, Mark is the fall guy (who is obsessed with the Three Stooges for some reason) and Gregg is the unreliable expert with strange ideas.

The story starts out with Tim asking Mark to have a video chat over breakfast with Marion, allegedly the granddaughter of Moe from the Three Stooges. Mark reluctantly accepts, and Gregg quickly chimes in with a request for Mark to get Marion to verify a friend’s stash of nude photos of Moe.

In typical comedy fashion everything spirals out of control from there, with a typo-laden and buggy auto-correct version of “Who’s On First” muddying the waters. New characters with similar names are introduced including another guy named Tim and a man named Mario (not to be confused with Marion.)

Although the presentation is a tad sloppy at times, it’s a quick read — maybe 20 minutes or so — and I was laughing so hard I had to take a quick break to wipe the tears from my eyes before the end.

My recommendation: Humor is extremely subjective, though if dark, classic comedy tickles you in the right way, give this short story a read. You can download it for free here.

Tim and Eric’s Mandatory Attendance World Tour show notes

March 8th, 2020
Tim & Eric Mandatory Attendance Tour Tim & Eric Mandatory Attendance Tour Tim & Eric Mandatory Attendance Tour

 

I went to the San Francisco stop on Tim and Eric‘s Mandatory Attendance World Tour on March 4th at The Warfield. Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim have been staples of late night cable TV fringe comedy for almost two decades at this point. Although they’re best known for Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! and Check it Out! with Dr. Steve Brule, they’ve also produced other shows including Nathan For You and the bizarre talk show The Eric Andre Show.

Although I’d never been to a live Tim and Eric show before, I’ve attended two On Cinema live shows in the past year (also produced by and co-staring Tim Heidecker) so I had a pretty good idea of what to expect — a lively show geared toward an audience of fans who are all totally into it.

I waited until today to post show notes as not to spoil the show for the remaining tour dates. Now that it’s over, here’s everything that happened.

Before the show

After passing through security and the ticket check, I was handed a small playbill (see above) about the size of a business card. I had a balcony ticket so I headed upstairs and bought the world’s most expensive whiskey and Coke at the bar.

Before the show began a video played on an almost comically tiny screen in which a man performed songs from Awesome Show on a guitar while wearing various costumes. This includes memorable songs from Casey and his Brother, the Beaver Boys theme, etc.

Speaking of costumes, many members of the audience were wearing outfits to match their favorite Tim and Eric characters. Two guys seated near me were dressed up as the Beaver Boys, and I saw a couple people wearing On Cinema t-shirts.

As stagehands wheeled the tiny screen away, the lights went down and the show opened. A video played on the big screen explaining how Tim has a large vacation home where he hangs out with his old pals, mostly to get away from his family — but also to avoid Eric. When Eric showed up and suggested they do a live show together we learn that Tim slammed the door in his face, only to later conceive of doing a family friendly tour that everyone can smile at (but not actually laugh) in order to attract corporate sponsors.

The audience was instructed to clap with their wrists instead of their hands, and to moan while doing so.

It’s mandatory

Tim and Eric arrived on stage dressed in flamboyant cowboy outfits performing a song about how attendance is mandatory, and also claiming they enjoy various drugs. At some point it was mentioned that anyone who did not attend would be fined $750.

Interrupting a pointless sketch about a cowboy who tickles people, Eric decided this isn’t right, they should abandon the family friendly concept and do their usual comedy — even if it’s not for everyone. Tim reluctantly agreed to change the format. They also agreed to waive the “exit fee.”

As they left the stage, a new video played of the duo eating and “vomiting” various foods. This was genuinely disgusting and a number of people near me covered their eyes.

Pitzman’s Mustard

Tim and Eric return to the stage wearing dressed in normal clothing for a reprise of the YouTube series Tim’s Kitchen Tips. A table was placed on stage with a large bowl and a small camera mounted on a tripod. Eric moved the camera around throughout the sketch so the audience could see close ups.

Tim used an audience participation bit to explain how he intends to make yummy, wet, and spicy lasagna — using a recipe from the Lasagna region of Italy, naturally.

Tim started with a frozen lasagna he purchased from his favorite store, a nearby Safeway. He opened the package and squeezed the existing wet juice out of it with his hand, sending the sauces down his elbow and all over the table.

As it turned out, Eric is also familiar with Safeway, though a different location. After a messy divorce Eric moved to a new home in Vallejo, a city he admittedly does not like. This minor localization gag got bigger laughs than I expected (perhaps there were people from Vallejo in the audience?)

To add wetness to the lasagna, Tim poured a giant can of tomato sauce into his bowl, most of which spilled on the table and floor.

For spices they recruited ten “Spice Cadets” from the audience to the stage. Each of them was assigned a spice to wear on their helmets as well as an apron featuring the name of the spice. During this process Tim angrily confiscated the phone of an audience member who was taking a video, tossing the “phone” into the tomato sauce.

The first spice, cinnamon, had a lengthy song and dance routine. Then Tim told the woman who represented cinnamon to “get the fuck out of here” as cinnamon clearly does not belong in lasagna. Tim then pared down the nine other Spice Cadets to a final five. Those who remained dumped their spices into the bowl by bowing their heads into it, pouring out the spices. One of them had a helmet malfunction that caused their entire helmet to fall into the bowl.

When Tim realized a key ingredient was missing, Mr. Peter Pitzman appeared wearing a yellow mask that clearly disturbed Tim. Mr. Pitzman proceeded to “pee” mustard all over the five remaining Spice Cadets as well as into the sauce.

Subscription services for dogs

Next up Tim and Eric came out wearing colorful lounge-y outfits, explaining they were a morning zoo show on 105.3 here in San Francisco before being fired when Tim’s character made an insensitive comment in the wake of the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

Fortunately they’ve been brought back by a tech billionaire named Werm to promote a streaming music service for dogs, which costs $99 per month. Tim picked up a guitar and Eric strapped on a child sized wearable drum set. They played a singalong song about different types of dogs and how they behave.

Eric’s character wanted to demonstrate Werm’s son’s software that just shows photos of dogs. Unfortunately he didn’t have the password for the software, and entering the wrong one caused the Windows XP desktop they had on stage to blue screen.

After several tries they guessed the password. The software turned out to be a slideshow with several photos of dogs, followed by a lot of photos of Moby. Tim and Eric fled the stage when smoke started coming out of the old desktop computer.

A Medical Play

In the final main act, they had a medical play allegedly sponsored by Aetna, a health insurance company. Tim said he was inspired by America where everyone has the right to buy private health insurance through a corporation.

The play involved Eric as a doctor similar to his Dr. Wareheim series on YouTube. Eric asked Tim a series of questions about his recent bowel movements such as their shape, thickness, tips, and tails. Neither of them could get through this portion with a straight face.

During an anal exam seemingly modeled after the Blue Man Group’s throat camera routine, we learn Tim has the highly contagious “Pork’s Disease,” and the entire audience is at risk. The CDC arrived via helicopter with a suitcase full of pills to cure the disease. The cure is HOGalaxin from Cinco Pharmaceuticals, which were available in suspicious baggies at the merch table.

Unfortunately the supply of pills was one short. Tim offhandedly mentioned that the CDC had other priorities. Their consultant at AEG “randomly” selected a member of the audience, a man who brought his wife on stage as well. He agreed to skip the medication and die for not only his wife but the greater good.

Tim and Eric performed their final song wearing lighted wings with a video tribute to the poor man. A flower-lined casket was wheeled out onto the stage behind him. As the song ended, stagehands escorted the man into the casket, closed it, and wheeled him backstage.

Beef House preview

Ostensibly this was the end of the show, but Tim and Eric introduced the first episode of their new show Beef House, a lowbrow parody of Full House or any one of countless forgettable 90’s family sitcoms.

The first episode involves Tim going on a date with a neighbor despite suffering from extreme constipation. This collides with a subplot about Eric’s girlfriend (played by Jamie-Lynn Sigler, aka Meadow from The Sopranos) demanding he clean up the place. The conclusion is hilariously disgusting, if somewhat predictable.

At the very end Tim and Eric came back out on stage to thank everyone for coming and to give a shout out to everyone else who worked on the show.

Conclusion

This was pretty much everything I would have expected from a live Tim and Eric show. Somehow I missed their last tour a couple years ago and I feel like I can stop kicking myself for that now.

From what I’ve read online a few stops on the tour had special guests. None of them were at the San Francisco show, but I would have loved to see John C. Reilly as Dr. Steve Brule. Someone please tell Reilly to come to San Francisco next time. I’ll even pay extra. For your health!

Six most outrageous moments during the 2020 On Cinema Oscar Special

February 14th, 2020

This year’s On Cinema Oscar Special was a little bit of a surprise. Online speculation led many to believe it wouldn’t happen as Tim Heidecker was on the East Coast leg of the Tim and Eric Mandatory Attendance Tour. Tim actually flew back to LA for one night just to do the Oscar Special this year, which is some serious dedication for a relatively low budget production.

As a huge fan of On Cinema, here’s my top six most outrageous moments during this year’s On Cinema Oscar Special. Watch it yourself online here.

Gregg Turkington in a purple outfit, white facepaint, and green hair as the Joker

6. Gregg’s appearance as The Joker

To celebrate the new Joker movie, the normally dull, mild-mannered movie buff Gregg dressed up in a full Joker get up. But not as the Joker from the recent 2019 film, instead going with the Jack Nicholson-style Joker from Tim Burton’s 1989 Batman film.

This is somehow funnier than it should be for those of us familiar with Gregg through his Neil Hamburger alter-ego. The Joker and Neil Hamburger are almost kindred spirits somehow. It probably deserves a higher spot on the list as it was hilarious just seeing Gregg dressed up as the Joker, but the rest of this list kind of depends on this so what am I supposed to do?

What can I say, I’m a slave to the format here.

Not-Mark, with LaRoux standing behind him

5. The search for Mark

Mark Proksch was sent to jail last season for a copyright violation involving Gregg’s tapes. Poor Mark hasn’t been seen or heard from since in spite of Gregg’s best efforts.

Tim’s investigator, weapons expert, and conspiracy theorist Michael Matthews (aka “LaRoux”) calls Tim with the happy news he’s located Mark. Sadly, LaRoux shows up with some guy named Steve who happens to look kind of like Mark.

Mark’s celebrity impersonations of W.C. Fields and the Marx Brothers have been a staple of On Cinema for years. In a case of mistaken identity, this time someone else “impersonated” Mark.

The search for Mark continues…

The pastor performs Tim and Toni's marriage ceremony

4. Tim’s convoluted marriage plan

Although we learned last season Tim married Toni (a juror during his murder trial who became his campaign manager in a failed attempt to unseat the district attorney) Tim felt the marriage ceremony at the local city hall wasn’t “Christian enough.” For the Oscar Special he secretly prepared an annulment which Toni reluctantly signed in order for them to have a proper marriage.

Tim awkwardly tries bonding with Toni’s teenage son Matt despite having little in common. When Tim interviews Toni’s (female) pastor Lewis he keeps starring at her legs and flirting with her. Not exactly off to a good re-start of the marriage.

Perhaps the funniest part of this was Gregg’s toast to the couple, which was just a string of references to Gregg’s favorite films — James Bond and the Oh, God! movies — all of which Tim vehemently hates.

Gregg sits in his car (the Mobile VFA) while Tim sits in a director's chair

3. The Mobile VFA

Gregg’s Victorville Film Archive (VFA) went mobile in season 11 when he stacked his VHS tapes in the back seat of his car. In the Oscar Special, Gregg drove the car into the studio. This wound up being a safe space for Gregg when Tim started going on his angry rants. Gregg spends a lot of episode in the car, watching from the perspective of a drive-in moviegoer.

Gregg’s finest moment as the Joker occurs when he’s in the Mobile VFA and honks its horn, interrupting Tim’s conversation with Manuel. Tim looks like he’s about to break character and several people off screen are heard laughing. Gregg opens the car door and smugly says “the Joker strikes again!” before turning to the camera to repeat his new catch phrase.

The Mobile VFA also winds up playing a major part in the finale, which we’ll get to in a moment.

Gregg dressed as the Joker pointing out his Arthur memorabilia

2. Gregg’s tribute to Arthur

Despite being dressed up as the Joker, Gregg has a series of segments and a small display set up to preview a tribute to the 39th anniversary of the film Arthur staring Dudley Moore and Liza Minnelli. Although Gregg intended to air a full tribute next year for the 40th anniversary, Tim insists Gregg just get it over with now.

As usual Gregg wasn’t able to find any real celebrities related to Arthur but he did interview an actress who stared in the recent Arthur remake as well as an affordable Dudley Moore impersonator. Both are interviewed in the passenger seat of his Mobile VFA.

Everyone's laying motionless as the room fills with smoke

1. The carbon monoxide poisoning

Gregg left the Mobile VFA car running in the closed studio, slowly filling it with carbon monoxide. Tim’s wedding dinner meanwhile is staged suspiciously to look like a painting of the last supper with Tim (obviously) as Jesus. Everyone started passing out in their seats or on the floor as several songs play including a remix of Dekkar’s “Empty Bottle.”

After several minutes passed I wondered if this might be the end of On Cinema for good? Fortunately Tim’s bandmate Axiom shows up several minutes later and heroically saves the day.

Many theories abound online about this incident overall. Did the one-handed Axiom from Dekkar single-handedly save everyone from “de car”? Was this the Mobile VFA’s revenge on Tim for destroying Gregg’s previous tape collections? Is it all part of the Joker’s evil plan? There are more questions than answers at this point.

Honorable mentions

  • Tim’s dead son “Tom Cruise Heidecker Jr.” appearing once again in horribly broken CGI form. This was much funnier the first time though it’s still a solid laugh.
  • The ongoing saga of catering company Chaplin’s Chili and their confusing ownership structure and name changes. Worse yet they forgot the salmon, although Mr. Chaplin himself insists that he cooked the chicken in a way that makes it taste like fish.
  • Gregg’s incredibly boring visit to a Hollywood thrift store that sells costumes used in films. He proudly displays two “priceless ensembles” he purchased for $20, which look like generic men’s clothes you might buy at Wal-Mart.
  • Tim ranting about the film Parasite being an actual “parasite” against America, since it’s not an American movie. The fact that clueless pundits unironically made the same point a few hours later somehow makes this predictable political take funnier than it had any right to be.
  • Gregg’s “Tribute to the Joker” is a hallucinatory mashup of the Joker’s various movie appearances. It also subtly foreshadows the smoke-filled ending.

For me it was my first time watching an On Cinema Oscar Special in a movie theater. Yes, I know that doesn’t make much sense but Alamo Drafthouse was livestreaming it several locations, including here in San Francisco. I got there a few minutes early. Fortunately an employee wearing a VFA t-shirt spotted my Dekkar t-shirt and let me know they were running a little behind schedule.

On my in I noticed they were patching a MacBook Pro into the theater’s projection system. I was pleasantly surprised it streamed in HD without AdultSwim.com’s notorious lag and glitch problems.

If you can, it’s definitely more fun to see this type of cult comedy special with a room full of people laughing along — people with a sense of humor as weird as your own.