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Six most outrageous moments in the 2023 On Cinema Oscar Special

March 16th, 2023

Now in its tenth year, On Cinema at the Cinema finished its previous season 13 with Tim Heidecker completely defeated. But now he’s back for the 10th Annual On Cinema Oscar Special, along with co-host(!) Gregg Turkington!

Sometimes people ask me to describe On Cinema, and the best I can do is this: what if Siskel & Ebert clearly never watched the movies they reviewed, and Ebert kept using the show to promote quack medicine? But at this point that’s barely scratching the surface.

Point is, this isn’t meant for beginners to the series so if you aren’t familiar read on at your own peril.

Spoilers follow!

In season 13 Tim not only nearly killed his bandmates in a car crash, but also got hooked on another medical scam that nearly killed him as well. We also got a special called Deck of Cards which is sort of a return to their Decker spinoff series, and also a way for Gregg to attempt to demonstrate his expertise regarding the movie The Wizard of Oz.

As the season ended, everyone abandoned Tim and he had no one else to turn to but his co-host/frequent guest Gregg and the two left for Gregg’s apartment to sit around and watch VHS tapes.

With that background in mind, here are the six most outrageous moments in the 10th Annual On Cinema Oscar Special.

 

 

6. Tim’s opening tap dance number

The special opens with Tim singing and dancing about Gregg, who he now hails as “The King of Movies.” We’ve never seen Tim quite this enthusiastic about anything before — yet alone his semi-nemesis Gregg — but we all know Tim’s highs will soon be followed by crushing lows. 

There aren’t many tap dance numbers that seem this ominous. It’s only worse when you notice that Tim is wearing Gregg’s James Bond costume from season 12. What else could he have stolen from Gregg? Hmm…

 

 

5. Forgotten But Not Gone

The real life Gregg Turkington is particularly well known for telling morbid jokes about celebrities as his alter ego Neil Hamburger. These types of jokes are far more disturbing when spoken by his clueless On Cinema character with a smug smile on his face.

This segment somehow takes an even darker turn than before as Gregg tells us about elderly former movie stars that have disappeared from the public eye but are actually still alive… as he films himself walking around a Los Angeles cemetery. 

As Gregg cheerfully notes, these are celebrities “you won’t find here.”

 

 

4. “Pinocchio Through The Years“ tribute

This inexplicably trippy montage of various Pinocchio movies includes the three that came out last year (I still can’t believe that happened) as well as low quality home movies and some 3D animated monstrosity called Pinocchio 3000.

In real life this baffling yet hilarious montage has the handiwork of comedy editor Vic Berger written all over it, so it wasn’t a surprise to see his name in the credits.

Update: This segment is now free to watch.

 

 

3. Whatever is going on with G. Amato

Tim promised to ask Mr. G. Amato — the shady financier behind his HEI Points crypto scam and the ranch he was trying to build — the tough questions behind what’s going on with these projects.

Mr. Amato largely deflects and instead tries to reassure Tim by claiming that he loves him and views him as a son. Just like his other adult adopted son Chris… who died in an unsolved murder. All very reassuring, right?

 

 

2. The damning dashcam footage

To extend an olive branch in their relationship, Gregg hands Tim the only copy of the dashcam footage that captured the car crash where Tim nearly killed his two bandmates, Axiom and Manuel.

During the special Gregg launches his new streaming platform, the Victorville Film Network, which is just a bunch of public domain movies in a Dropbox folder. Or is it?

Turns out there’s a secret hidden in the trash folder: a copy of that dashcam footage. Once this is revealed Tim decides to air it and wouldn’t you know it, the video shows him going nuts and trying to roll the car on purpose. As soon as this is shown Axiom and Manuel storm off the set.

In one of those you-had-to-be-there moments, the Dropbox folder did appear online when they said it would and a number of viewers found the video and leaked it all over social media before it was mentioned in the livestream.

 

 

1. Pick-Your-Pinocchio

This attempt at creating two dueling live Pinocchio tributes is yet another failure… and a massive one. Gregg dresses up Mark Proksch as Pinocchio, only for Mark to somehow get tangled up in an ill-fated flying scene as Gregg and Joe Estevez try to figure out how to get him down from the ceiling.

Tim’s attempt goes even worse as it winds up overlapping with the aforementioned dashcam segment, only for Tim to unsuccessfully try to lie his way out of the situation while still wearing a long rubber Pinocchio nose.

The special ends as Tim has a mental breakdown, once again exposed as a crazed potential murderer and abandoned by every person in his life.

 

Honorable mentions:

  • The lottery contest which in theory was kind of real, except the odds were basically impossible and the only prize was more HEI Points. Also they repeatedly break the lotto machine.
  • In honor of the new Elvis movie, Gregg tries to have Mark impersonate Elvis as though he were still alive today and had taken roles that actors like Harrison Ford are known for. Mark is completely confused by this concept.
  • Mr. Amato offers checks to both Tim and Gregg to make two separate movies with ridiculously lowball offers. Gregg now owes him a fictional movie about the Pep Boys car parts chain, and Tim owes him a movie featuring Mark wearing a baboon costume. 
  • Much to Gregg’s chagrin, Tim has once again stolen many of his beloved VHS tapes and destroyed them. This time Tim had made a “carpet” out of them by gluing them to the studio floor. Worse yet he had people dancing on top of the tapes before spilling a cake all over them.

This year’s livestream seemed like the most stable one I can remember. No lag or stuttering issues at all.

I think the most enjoyable thing about the Oscar Specials is that it’s live, which means you get to watch the main performers crack each other up as the video feed desperately tries to find something else to point at. It’s fun to see that after all these years, this is still a passion project for a small group of people who can make each other laugh — and perhaps you as well.

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Six most outrageous moments in the 2022 On Cinema Oscar Special

April 2nd, 2022

Airing live in its second year on HEI Network, the 9th Annual On Cinema Oscar Special was pared down in a number of ways… most notably they had to film it outside, according to Tim, because Joe Estevez had mismanaged Tim’s HEI Ranch development and no sound stage had been built.

Things only go downhill from this rough introduction with Mark Proksch dressed as Spider-Man, accidentally tripping and falling down a hill.

No longer wearing a fancy suit, Tim is now sunburned and wearing sunglasses, a vest, and blue jeans — your typical uniform for a conservative who’s trying to dress like a man of the people.

This will include spoilers.

If you haven’t caught up on season 12, the main things that happened since the last Oscar Special are that Mark Proksch reluctantly returned, LaRoux is in a wheelchair now, Wendy Kerby left after Tim made creepy remarks to her, and Toni filed for divorce from Tim after becoming sober.

So here we go: the top six most outrageous moments in the 9th Annual On Cinema Oscar Special.

 

 

6. Tribute to Alfred Hitchcock

To commemorate the 100th anniversary of Hitchcock’s first film (which was never finished) they interview actress Lee Garlington from the 2nd and 3rd Psycho movies — which Hitchcock had nothing to do with.

Mark was set to appear as Hitchcock but he has to do it via a video call from the hospital due to his previous injury falling down the hill. Another person dressed as Hitchcock held an iPad in front of their face to share the video call.

 

 

5. Toni’s therapy tape

Tim had LaRoux “up his dose” of painkillers so he could enter therapy to spy on Tim’s wife as she went through her recovery from alcoholism.

Footage from Toni’s therapy session makes Tim look really bad. Most damningly, Toni reveals that everyone talks shit about Tim behind his back — including his loyal band mates. This doesn’t appear to be a surprise to anyone but Tim who refuses to believe it.

 

 

4. Willy Wonka tribute

Gregg’s Willy Wonka tributes are all over the place, from dressing up as Johnny Depp’s version of the character to staging his own version of the grandparent’s scene in the original movie.

The latter segment is a huge disappointment for Tim, who doesn’t understand what any of this had to do with the upcoming prequel and just wants to see “chocolate and Oompa Loompas.”

 

 

3. Oscar Doctor

Years ago Gregg advocated for a fan favorite “popular film” category for the Oscars.

Feeling irrationally vindicated now that this has actually happened, Gregg has an “Oscar Doctor” segment in which he offers solutions to bring audiences back to watch the Oscars. All of his ideas are simplistic new awards like “Best Ending” or “Best Robot.”

 

 

2. Dekkar reunion

Following up from the Wendy Kerby Valentine’s Day Special, Tim’s band Dekkar has reunited as a rock band with long term members Axiom and Manuel.

This reunion happens through several segments throughout the special. In one segment it’s revealed that former member Nick passed away. In the hastily made homage video Tim repeatedly mixes up Vinny with Nick. In pre-taped segments we also learn that Tim only sees his band mates as hired hands for his solo project.

The Dekkar reunion culminates in a show, which includes an new “Oscar Medley” jam-style song about movies nominated for Oscars this year. They finally finish on their one and only “hit” song, Empty Bottle, only for the power to go out. (For some reason the mics and cameras keep working.)

 

 

1. The wild ending

Throughout the special, troublemakers show up and drive an ATV behind the set and point laser pointers at Tim and others. It’s eventually revealed this same group is likely behind the power outage.

After hearing some gunshots, everyone takes cover. Gregg heroically evacuates everyone he can on his VFA tour bus. Meanwhile Tim has a meltdown in front of the aggressors, begging them to kill him before the screen goes black and the credits roll.

 

Honorable mentions

  • Axiom’s national anthem-style rendition of Tim’s “Oscar Fever.”
  • Longtime chili-based caterer Hank is back! Once again he’s getting a poor deal from Tim, despite being the proprietor of the upcoming HEI Noon Chili Saloon at HEI Ranch.
  • Tim hired contractor Joe Crane to drill a water well in HEI Ranch. Unfortunately, the liquid that comes out is brown and stinks, and Joe Crane admits he may have simply drilled into a septic tank.
  • Tim flubbing yet another actor’s name: “Benedict Pumpkinpatch.”
  • LaRoux getting his wheelchair stuck in the dirt while everyone watches and the theme song from his TV show “Xposed” plays in the background.
  • During “On Cinema’s Tribute To Director Cameos” we end on a segment from the movie Jack & Jill where Adam Sandler’s character has a conversation with sex offender and former Subway spokesman Jared Fogle.

I got to see this Oscar Special on the big screen again, this time at the New Parkway Theater in Uptown Oakland. Unfortunately the video stream was super unstable again this year, so I had to go back and watch it again (especially the first 20 minutes or so) after they put up the final cut online.

It’s sad that the stream had so many technical issues this year, because to be honest On Cinema’s absurd “coverage” of the Oscars is always going to be funnier and somehow more relevant than the real thing, no matter which actor slaps which comedian.

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Wait, which California city is the “adult Disneyland”?

July 5th, 2021
Solvang

Image used under a Creative Commons license

 

SFGate recently ran an article that compared the small town of Solvang in Santa Barbara County to Disneyland. Although the comparison was seemingly intended to be positive they took a lot of heat for this clearly questionable take.

Go ahead and read the article… and then think about it for a second.

If the criteria for an “adult Disneyland” is food, fake ye olde fashioned looking buildings, a tiki bar, and a couple of windmills then guess what? 

You don’t need to leave San Francisco to find this “adult Disneyland.” It’s been right here all along. Who knew?

The best part? I know people love paying outrageous ticket prices to visit Disneyland and the prices in and around San Francisco are just as wild. Yay!

While we may not have Space Mountain, you can get on a cable car and close your eyes. A fireworks show every night? You bet your ass! Here, light this and throw it quick or you might lose a finger.

Though the last animatronic figures probably left town when FAO Schwarz closed their Union Square store, you can find outdoor street performances in the same part of town. Just look for the Michael Jackson impersonator at 4th and Market (gets call from Disney) sorry, I’m being asked by corporate to retract that last part. Apparently there’s some sort of branding issue regarding Captain EO.

But in the “comparing Disneyland to San Francisco” department it turns out I’m kind of late to the party as Mr. Show with Bob (Odenkirk) and David (Cross) did this exact bit… back in 1996. 

 

 

Oh and by the way, if that Mr. Show sketch seems familiar it might be because I covered it here on this blog a decade ago.

… and history repeats itself. See you here again ten years from now with a new take on this same joke.

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Lawyer reacts to the (On Cinema) Trial of Tim Heidecker

June 20th, 2021

The cult comedy series On Cinema has had many crowning achievements, but arguably the largest is The Trial of Tim Heidecker. In the trial the host of the series is accused of a felony regarding an unpermitted concert in San Bernardino where 20 people died after using a toxic vape system Heidecker was promoting.

In the trial Heidecker takes a wide defense, not only defending himself pro se against the charges but also bringing in witnesses to testify against his On Cinema guest/co-host Gregg Turkington and attempts to litigate their ongoing disagreements under oath. This goes so far as to bring in writer/director Nicholas Meyer to settle a dispute about which Star Trek movie is the one that takes place in San Francisco.

YouTube’s mysterious algorithm led many outsiders to believe The Trial was a real event, leading to an unlikely if confusing introduction to On Cinema for those who had never even heard of it.

Due to this unlikely combination, many fans have been pushing for a “reaction” video. For those unfamiliar with the concept, a reaction video can be anything from kids trying to use some obsolete technology like a VCR to (in this case) a real life lawyer reacting to a fictional trial.

If you’re completely unfamiliar with the format there are plenty of videos out there of lawyers reacting to Better Call Saul or even the last episode of Seinfeld. Lawyer reaction videos are very much a thing.

While it may be a couple years late, credit where credit is due to YouTube channel AttorneyTom for covering The Trial of Tim Heidecker. Though Tom is unfamiliar with the series he’s easily able to grasp what’s going on and for the most part praises the realism of the trial and explains some of the legal concepts.

Without further ado, here are the reaction videos from AttorneyTom:

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Eight most outrageous moments during the 2021 On Cinema Oscar Special

April 27th, 2021

“It’s been” a little over a year after the last On Cinema Oscar Special, and many changes have happened. Aside from the pandemic, On Cinema was dropped along with the entire streaming portion of Adult Swim’s lineup. Thankfully this wasn’t the end of On Cinema; fans (self included) chipped in financially for the next season and this Oscar Special. It streamed this year on the new HEI Network behind a paywall. Sort of…

We can’t talk about this year’s Oscar Special without talking about last year’s, as it ended with a carbon monoxide poisoning that killed two people, including the caterer Tom Chaplin. Many blamed this on Gregg Turkington as he left his car running in the studio.

But the big thing is, On Cinema somehow manages to top itself every year. Despite the behind the scenes financial issues somehow this year did not miss a beat.

Even for those of us who’ve been fans for a long time the amazing thing about On Cinema is that the jokes go so deep it’s like peeling back layers of a thick onion, and by the time you understand them you’ll be crying — with laughter. So here we go again.

 

8. The dueling feeds

After Tim Heidecker announced his 8th Annual On Cinema Oscar Special guests — and the list didn’t include Gregg — we quickly learned that Gregg would be hosting his own 9th Annual “Our Cinema” Oscar Special, effectively one-upping Tim. And the best news? It would be completely free!

Gregg started his feed on YouTube over an hour before Tim’s “official” Oscar Special with a screening of the 1937 public domain film Affairs of Cappy Ricks. Following that, Gregg appeared on a shaky handheld camera phone camera to introduce us to a parking lot that was used in Back to the Future, and wouldn’t you know it — his car, which is now a mobile film archive, is parked there and decorated like the DeLorean from the Back to the Future films. But it gets better! Gregg himself is dressed like Marty McFly from Back to the Future 3.

Now a normal comedy show would back down on this premise of having two separate feeds right when the main one kicked in, but this is On Cinema we’re talking about. Even after Tim eventually backs down and invites Gregg to his Oscar Special, Gregg’s feed continues even to the point where he’s in the bathroom at the studio and driving away at the end.

This second feed adds an element of pure chaos. You never really know which one you should be watching, and at some points both Tim and Gregg are talking at the same time. But for the most part Gregg’s feed is pointed at the ground and you hear him grumbling and making snarky remarks about Tim’s show.

 

7. The rat test

Unable to let the events of last year’s Oscar Special go to rest, Tim has a miniature version of the set built in a glass case with a live lab rat. He intends to pump car exhaust into the case with the help of his “investigator” LaRoux in order to prove that carbon monoxide is lethal.

Things don’t quite go as planned however when the car exhaust enters the set through a hose and everyone begins coughing, apparently having learned nothing from last year. After his wife Toni protests killing a rat to prove a point, Tim relents and abandons the experiment.

Tim later claims the rat died of unrelated causes, so even if he had gone ahead with the experiment it would have rendered the results entirely inconclusive.

 

6. Fox News parody

Over the years Tim has taken on the personality of a particular brand of a conservative blowhard, and that’s very much on point here as the entire set for this Oscar Special looks straight out of Fox News.

Tim goes all in on this, kicking things off with a parody of Greg Gutfeld’s late night “comedy” show on Fox News. Despite having the appearance of The Daily Show or Last Week Tonight, all of Tim’s conservative jokes fall flat and show no self awareness whatsoever. (The entire segment can be watched above.)

(On the meta side of things, Gregg used to be a regular on Gutfeld’s previous show Red Eye but in character as Neil Hamburger.)

 

5. The repulsive catering

This year the show went in a new direction with catering, this time with a sponsorship from the shady supplement company Rio-Jenesis with their RJ’s Shake Station brand. 

Tim gets a shake that’s made with an inexplicable combination of vegetables, some kind of potato soup, hard liquor, and a supplement from Rio Jenesis called “VaxxBlock” which is intended to prevent the COVID-19 vaccines from working.

After all, as a Trumpian conservative Tim wants the advantages of the vaccine like being able to travel abroad without the disadvantages such as whatever conspiracy theories are being touted this week.

But most importantly, he wants to get drunk.

 

4. The singer

Wendy Kerby, a young friend of Toni’s from her church is brought in as the singer for this year’s Oscar Special. She’s also the brother of the guy running the catering stand.

She sings a version of Tim’s song “Empty Bottle,” perhaps the fifth or sixth version we’ve heard so far, over a karaoke version of the song. It quickly becomes clear she doesn’t know all the lyrics though nobody seems to even notice or care.

At the end she’s trotted out again over the disastrous ending — which I’ll get to a moment — to sing a rendition of “Back In the High Life Again” by Steve Winwood. (Or should it be “Back in the HEI Life Again”?) 

 

3. Toni’s cosmetic face masks

Tim’s horrible wife Toni Newman is just as much of a scam artist as her husband, and is now hawking a line of cosmetic face masks. To demonstrate them she applies them to both Tim and his bandmate Manuel, with Tim immediately complaining of a burning sensation and is unable to remove the mask despite pouring ice all over his face.

After a break, Tim’s face has gone from spray-tan orange to bright red, and he’s kicked his wife Toni off the set. Manuel hasn’t suffered, though it’s worth noting that part of Tim’s facial skin was grafted from Manuel’s lower back or “ass” in season 8 after Tim accidentally set himself on fire.

 

2. Tim’s stepson and potential new child

Matt Newman was introduced at the last Oscar Special as Tim’s stepson from his current wife Toni. Despite an awkward conversation between the two of them it was clear that Matt was into online video games and not much else.

This time Matt was back via an unstable Zoom call and seemed more focused on playing games than interacting with Tim.

Tim drunkenly told Matt — or tried to anyway — that he’ll soon be having a new sibling as he just got Toni pregnant. Toni isn’t particularly appreciative of Tim sharing this news as it wasn’t meant to be public yet. It also doesn’t bode well for the pregnancy as Toni is drinking schnapps throughout the special.

 

1. Gregg storming off the set and escaping LaRoux

Tim’s ongoing plan to investigate the carbon monoxide poisoning of the last Oscar Special ends with LaRoux blaming everything on Gregg. This causes Gregg to storm off the set and lock himself in his car/mobile film archive. 

When Gregg attempts to leave he’s intercepted by LaRoux who tries to block him. It’s implied (though not shown) that Gregg ran over LaRoux with his car while escaping. None of this is shown in either feed, though we soon see Gregg driving away on his feed and Wendy singing “Back in the HEI Life Again” on Tim’s feed.

Over the credits, Tim claims that LaRoux was injured but will be okay, implying that yet another Oscar Special has resulted in needless injuries. Plus a dead rat.

 

Honorable mentions

  • Tim unveils a new song for his wife, “Your Love Gets Me HEI,” which is just as cringe-inducing as the title would suggest.
  • Mark is back… sort of. A fan’s home footage of Mark included Mark saying he didn’t want to be involved with the “VFW”, which may have been a confused reference to Gregg’s VFA or perhaps something else? It raised more questions than answers, but the point is that Mark is still alive after all.
  • Al Pacino’s birthday! This didn’t go anywhere despite several segments including Manuel and Axiom impersonating Pacino. Gregg verbally shat all over Pacino for declining to participate in several of his favorite film franchises.
  • The Minions! Ever since Tim announced the HEI Network, he’s complained off and on about Minions — the characters from the Despicable Me franchise — appearing on his website allegedly due to hackers. During this Oscar Special a Minion stuffed animal appeared in various shots, sometimes noted by Tim but often not. 
  • Josh Trank, who directed the Fantastic Four movie (which Tim had a small part in) called in via Zoom. Gregg used this segment to reignite a debate about whether or not Tim paid a fee to appear in this movie, though it was ultimately unresolved as Trank’s Zoom connection was unstable.
  • Despite Tim’s ongoing social media claim that Axiom is his new “Mister Movies” it was clear Axiom hadn’t seen any of the movies nominated for this year’s Oscars. The usually spineless Joe Estevez convinced Tim to bring Gregg back to the show to provide movie expertise. And wouldn’t you know it, underneath his Back to the Future 3 costume Gregg was wearing a yellow t-shirt with a custom screen print that says “The REAL Mister Movies.” 

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Tim and Eric answer my question about more live shows

January 11th, 2021

 

On a January 1st 2021 stream, comedy duo Tim & Eric took a number of questions from the online chat. One of the questions they addressed was one I asked about if they had any new live shows planned.

Shortly before the COVID-19 pandemic the last live show I went to was Tim and Eric’s Mandatory Tour which I thoroughly enjoyed shortly before the pandemic and the stay home order.

As you can see in the clip above it turns out they had plans to extend the Mandatory Tour, except the entire ending threw cold water on that idea as it involved a deadly disease and one member of the audience being placed in a coffin — obviously that would not be funny in the pandemic and its aftermath.

To me though the funniest part of the clip is Tim riffing on my name, pointing out that it’s the name of two of his favorite collaborators put together.

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Spirit Halloween now has an official theme song, sort of

September 19th, 2020

Spirit Halloween, the nationwide chain of pop-up Halloween costume and decoration stores that appear in empty storefronts in the months leading up to Halloween, now has an official theme song. Well… maybe.

Comedy musician Nick Lutsko recently created a catchy theme song for Spirit Halloween, which takes some rather unexpected and frightening twists.

See and hear for yourself in the video below:

As referenced in the song he originally posted this video here on Twitter, where it’s received thousands of retweets. So that means Spirit Halloween is on the hook to Venmo him some money, right?

In one of the replies to the video tweet, that’s exactly what Spirit Halloween claims to have done:

Now I can’t verify that any money changed hands of course — but assuming it did — that would make this an official theme song… in a way.

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Review: The Get Rich and Become God Method

July 17th, 2020
Book cover

If you’ve ever spent time in the self-help section of a bookstore, you’ve probably noticed there are two types of books in the category: specific subjects and general subjects. Specific self-help books might be something about playing the stock market or an introduction to chardonnay tasting. Those are fine, though the audience is going to be fairly limited. On the other hand the general self-help books cover a broad topic anyone might find appealing, the most well known of which is “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” The downside to these general self-help books is they’re so generic you’ve almost certainly heard all of the advice in the book long before you read it. 

The new self-help e-book from internet persona Dril takes the general subject self-help book in a different direction. In The Get Rich and Become God Method you’ll learn… well, nothing really. Or to put it another way, it’s a satire — but also just as effective as the genre it’s mocking.

Before getting into the book I think it’s worth addressing the character writing it. Dril writes with the voice of someone who’s talking down to you, yet has no clue what’s going on. His main concern in life seems to involve getting trolled online, which fills him with an impotent rage. He’s both a grizzled old man and obsessed with video games. 

The book’s title is an acronym; each letter stands for a step to follow as part of the process. For example, the first “E” in the word “Become” stands for “E-mails.” The book is divided into sections based on these steps, though the content is often entirely unrelated to the section’s theme.

Obviously the book, which is allegedly sponsored by the frozen pretzel brand SuperPretzel, doesn’t teach you how to get rich or become “the supreme ruler of heaven and Earth.” Or anything else, really. Some of the advice seems to be rather specifically aimed at Dril himself.

Dril’s online lore is present throughout the book. His frenemy Digitmon Otis gets some words in about the future, as well as the obscure Bandai WonderSwan handheld game console. We also learn Dril still has a beef with user beavis_sinatra, who “terrorizes” him with photos of cups too close to the edge of tables.

The graphic design and illustration look like something a ten year old would have made on GeoCities in the mid 90’s, and the text has typos to match the aesthetic. Many sections are challenging to read due to the formatting. 

I don’t want to spoil too much of this book, but some of the advice includes:

  • Demanding the toilet be removed from your home so you can wear diapers.
  • The key to getting rich turns out to be quite simple: money. Several tips for making money are included, such as betting on dog racing.
  • Playing video games to train for real life. Not owning every gaming console is compared to missing vital organs in your body.

Some of the more random sections of the book include:

  • A review of a game called “Racism Simulator 2007.”
  • Newspaper clippings that include, among other things, a review of a garbage dump.
  • A defense of wearing blackface… on your penis.
  • A tragic tale about how Dril was bullied by a car dealer into purchasing a horrible car filled with boiling grease.

My recommendation: If you find this sort of odd anecdotal humor as funny as I do, you’ll get a kick out of The Get Rich and Become God Method. It’s available as a PDF and can be purchased here.

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Eric Andre: Legalize Everything review

June 28th, 2020
Trailer for Legalize Everything

If you’re familiar with Eric Andre, you probably recognize him from The Eric Andre Show. If not let me explain: his eponymous show is like an inverted talk show; instead of going for an hour or two, each episode is 15 minutes. Instead of trying to make the guests feel comfortable, he does the exact opposite. It’s a mix of fast-paced cringe humor and straight up surrealism — in one episode he murders his co-host Hannibal Buress which somehow leads into a Twin Peaks homage — and I’d be lying if I said that was the weirdest part of the episode. So as you can imagine it’s not your typical talk show.

I’d never seen Andre’s standup before so I didn’t know quite what to expect from his first comedy special, Eric Andre: Legalize Everything on Netflix. Was this going to be a live version of The Eric Andre Show, or more conventional standup material? The answer: a little from column A, a little from column B.

Filmed in New Orleans shortly before the COVID-19 pandemic and before the murders of Breonna Taylor, George Floyd, and far too many more Black Americans by police, Legalize Everything is a standup special that by some strange coincidence was released at the moment it was needed most.

First, we haven’t had live comedy shows to see in months and probably won’t again in the near future, so new comedy specials are a welcome rarity right now. Second, the half Black half Jewish (or in his words, “bluish”) comedian Eric Andre has a unique perspective fit for the current era. One of the most biting jokes in the entire special is in the trailer above in which Andre makes fun of how the TV show COPS glorifies police brutality against anyone who’s not white and/or wealthy, all to the tune of the most incongruous theme music possible.

 

Mild spoilers for Legalize Everything below.

 

The show opens with a sketch, as many standup specials do these days. This sketch seems straight out of The Eric Andre Show, with Andre impersonating a cop who’s drunk and offering people hits from a giant bong.

Once he hits the stage Andre tackles a wide variety of subjects with his signature frantic intensity: bad drug drips, being mistaken for two men at the same time, bizarre sexual experiences, the horrors of Calvinism in American history, etc.

Throughout Legalize Everything Andre calls out members of the audience for random and uncomfortable reasons, though never devolves into insult humor. In one case he even takes the phone from a volunteer to send text messages. This type of material subverts the expectations of standup comedy — nobody can heckle a comedian who’s preemptively heckling the audience.

 

End spoilers.

 

Though a couple of the jokes don’t quite land as hard as they might have, everything works here. There’s no question Eric Andre had refined his set by the time this special was filmed and he’s giving it his all in his performance.

Standup comedy is inherently character driven; the comedian is playing a caricature (often but not always of themselves) who tells jokes that speak to the truth of the character in some humorous way. In Andre’s case his caricature is that of an outsider with the energy of a coked-up lunatic who’s armed to the teeth with nuclear truth bombs.

Comedy is also about timing. It’s hard to imagine this special landing at a better time, as Andre squeezes humor out of timely subjects such as America’s racism, poverty, and historical context. Would you be surprised if I told you this special was filmed back in November of 2019? Of course little has changed since then, we’re just more outraged about it now.

I think the audience for Legalize Everything will probably be fairly self-selecting, but even those who aren’t familiar with Andre will likely find solid material to laugh at here — more than can be said for your average Netflix comedy special. If nothing else it’s certainly an hour long spectacle to gawk at.

Personally, Legalize Everything was easily captivating enough to hold my attention, funny enough to make me laugh hard many times, and perhaps most astonishingly, deep enough to make me think — the latter of which are words I can’t believe I’m saying about Eric Andre of all people. There’s no way I give this any less than a perfect score, this is the comedy special we needed right when we needed it.

Rating: 10/10

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Review: Marion’s Wish

April 12th, 2020
 

Earlier this week the three comedians behind On Cinema released a free short story as an e-book titled Marion’s Wish. According to the forward this book is the result of a text message conversation between Tim Heidecker, Mark Proksch, and Gregg Turkington while they’re all self isolating for COVID-19.

Although it’s not officially part of the On Cinema universe in any way, it has certain similarities. Specifically Tim is the instigator, Mark is the fall guy (who is obsessed with the Three Stooges for some reason) and Gregg is the unreliable expert with strange ideas.

The story starts out with Tim asking Mark to have a video chat over breakfast with Marion, allegedly the granddaughter of Moe from the Three Stooges. Mark reluctantly accepts, and Gregg quickly chimes in with a request for Mark to get Marion to verify a friend’s stash of nude photos of Moe.

In typical comedy fashion everything spirals out of control from there, with a typo-laden and buggy auto-correct version of “Who’s On First” muddying the waters. New characters with similar names are introduced including another guy named Tim and a man named Mario (not to be confused with Marion.)

Although the presentation is a tad sloppy at times, it’s a quick read — maybe 20 minutes or so — and I was laughing so hard I had to take a quick break to wipe the tears from my eyes before the end.

My recommendation: Humor is extremely subjective, though if dark, classic comedy tickles you in the right way, give this short story a read. You can download it for free here.

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