Good news, everyone! Disneyland is coming to the Mission!
A recent street stencil breaks the news. I called up Disney’s headquarters for more information. Here’s the scoop:
- Unlike Disney’s other parks, this one will be both “haute” and “edgy” with cast members playing hobos, hipsters, and street drunks. Keeping with the theme, a scary Tomorrowland ride called BART will whisk you from one end of the park to the other.
- There will be plenty of places to eat, although they’re all a bit expensive for what you get. And of course there will be numerous gift shops selling cheap junk at ridiculous prices — but you’ll buy a souvenir anyway because that’s what people do.
- Other attractions will include Goofy’s Art Alley, The Hunchback of San Francisco de Asis, Haunted Denim Shop’s Ghostly Price Tag Scare, and Snow White’s Naughty Vibrator Emporium. When you’re done, why not relax in Kermit the Frog’s Dolores Park Village?
- Be prepared for long lines. You might want to bring something to read, and be sure to wear comfortable shoes.
