Posts Tagged ‘comedy’

Now in its tenth year, On Cinema at the Cinema finished its previous season 13 with Tim Heidecker completely defeated. But now he’s back for the 10th Annual On Cinema Oscar Special, along with co-host(!) Gregg Turkington!

Sometimes people ask me to describe On Cinema, and the best I can do is this: what if Siskel & Ebert clearly never watched the movies they reviewed, and Ebert kept using the show to promote quack medicine? But at this point that’s barely scratching the surface.

Point is, this isn’t meant for beginners to the series so if you aren’t familiar read on at your own peril.

Spoilers follow!

In season 13 Tim not only nearly killed his bandmates in a car crash, but also got hooked on another medical scam that nearly killed him as well. We also got a special called Deck of Cards which is sort of a return to their Decker spinoff series, and also a way for Gregg to attempt to demonstrate his expertise regarding the movie The Wizard of Oz.

As the season ended, everyone abandoned Tim and he had no one else to turn to but his co-host/frequent guest Gregg and the two left for Gregg’s apartment to sit around and watch VHS tapes.

With that background in mind, here are the six most outrageous moments in the 10th Annual On Cinema Oscar Special.

 

 

6. Tim’s opening tap dance number

The special opens with Tim singing and dancing about Gregg, who he now hails as “The King of Movies.” We’ve never seen Tim quite this enthusiastic about anything before — yet alone his semi-nemesis Gregg — but we all know Tim’s highs will soon be followed by crushing lows. 

There aren’t many tap dance numbers that seem this ominous. It’s only worse when you notice that Tim is wearing Gregg’s James Bond costume from season 12. What else could he have stolen from Gregg? Hmm…

 

 

5. Forgotten But Not Gone

The real life Gregg Turkington is particularly well known for telling morbid jokes about celebrities as his alter ego Neil Hamburger. These types of jokes are far more disturbing when spoken by his clueless On Cinema character with a smug smile on his face.

This segment somehow takes an even darker turn than before as Gregg tells us about elderly former movie stars that have disappeared from the public eye but are actually still alive… as he films himself walking around a Los Angeles cemetery. 

As Gregg cheerfully notes, these are celebrities “you won’t find here.”

 

 

4. “Pinocchio Through The Years“ tribute

This inexplicably trippy montage of various Pinocchio movies includes the three that came out last year (I still can’t believe that happened) as well as low quality home movies and some 3D animated monstrosity called Pinocchio 3000.

In real life this baffling yet hilarious montage has the handiwork of comedy editor Vic Berger written all over it, so it wasn’t a surprise to see his name in the credits.

Update: This segment is now free to watch.

 

 

3. Whatever is going on with G. Amato

Tim promised to ask Mr. G. Amato — the shady financier behind his HEI Points crypto scam and the ranch he was trying to build — the tough questions behind what’s going on with these projects.

Mr. Amato largely deflects and instead tries to reassure Tim by claiming that he loves him and views him as a son. Just like his other adult adopted son Chris… who died in an unsolved murder. All very reassuring, right?

 

 

2. The damning dashcam footage

To extend an olive branch in their relationship, Gregg hands Tim the only copy of the dashcam footage that captured the car crash where Tim nearly killed his two bandmates, Axiom and Manuel.

During the special Gregg launches his new streaming platform, the Victorville Film Network, which is just a bunch of public domain movies in a Dropbox folder. Or is it?

Turns out there’s a secret hidden in the trash folder: a copy of that dashcam footage. Once this is revealed Tim decides to air it and wouldn’t you know it, the video shows him going nuts and trying to roll the car on purpose. As soon as this is shown Axiom and Manuel storm off the set.

In one of those you-had-to-be-there moments, the Dropbox folder did appear online when they said it would and a number of viewers found the video and leaked it all over social media before it was mentioned in the livestream.

 

 

1. Pick-Your-Pinocchio

This attempt at creating two dueling live Pinocchio tributes is yet another failure… and a massive one. Gregg dresses up Mark Proksch as Pinocchio, only for Mark to somehow get tangled up in an ill-fated flying scene as Gregg and Joe Estevez try to figure out how to get him down from the ceiling.

Tim’s attempt goes even worse as it winds up overlapping with the aforementioned dashcam segment, only for Tim to unsuccessfully try to lie his way out of the situation while still wearing a long rubber Pinocchio nose.

The special ends as Tim has a mental breakdown, once again exposed as a crazed potential murderer and abandoned by every person in his life.

 

Honorable mentions:

• The lottery contest which in theory was kind of real, except the odds were basically impossible and the only prize was more HEI Points. Also they repeatedly break the lotto machine.
• In honor of the new Elvis movie, Gregg tries to have Mark impersonate Elvis as though he were still alive today and had taken roles that actors like Harrison Ford are known for. Mark is completely confused by this concept.
• Mr. Amato offers checks to both Tim and Gregg to make two separate movies with ridiculously lowball offers. Gregg now owes him a fictional movie about the Pep Boys car parts chain, and Tim owes him a movie featuring Mark wearing a baboon costume. 
• Much to Gregg’s chagrin, Tim has once again stolen many of his beloved VHS tapes and destroyed them. This time Tim had made a “carpet” out of them by gluing them to the studio floor. Worse yet he had people dancing on top of the tapes before spilling a cake all over them.

This year’s livestream seemed like the most stable one I can remember. No lag or stuttering issues at all.

I think the most enjoyable thing about the Oscar Specials is that it’s live, which means you get to watch the main performers crack each other up as the video feed desperately tries to find something else to point at. It’s fun to see that after all these years, this is still a passion project for a small group of people who can make each other laugh — and perhaps you as well.

Airing live in its second year on HEI Network, the 9th Annual On Cinema Oscar Special was pared down in a number of ways… most notably they had to film it outside, according to Tim, because Joe Estevez had mismanaged Tim’s HEI Ranch development and no sound stage had been built.

Things only go downhill from this rough introduction with Mark Proksch dressed as Spider-Man, accidentally tripping and falling down a hill.

No longer wearing a fancy suit, Tim is now sunburned and wearing sunglasses, a vest, and blue jeans — your typical uniform for a conservative who’s trying to dress like a man of the people.

This will include spoilers.

If you haven’t caught up on season 12, the main things that happened since the last Oscar Special are that Mark Proksch reluctantly returned, LaRoux is in a wheelchair now, Wendy Kerby left after Tim made creepy remarks to her, and Toni filed for divorce from Tim after becoming sober.

So here we go: the top six most outrageous moments in the 9th Annual On Cinema Oscar Special.

 

 

6. Tribute to Alfred Hitchcock

To commemorate the 100th anniversary of Hitchcock’s first film (which was never finished) they interview actress Lee Garlington from the 2nd and 3rd Psycho movies — which Hitchcock had nothing to do with.

Mark was set to appear as Hitchcock but he has to do it via a video call from the hospital due to his previous injury falling down the hill. Another person dressed as Hitchcock held an iPad in front of their face to share the video call.

 

 

5. Toni’s therapy tape

Tim had LaRoux “up his dose” of painkillers so he could enter therapy to spy on Tim’s wife as she went through her recovery from alcoholism.

Footage from Toni’s therapy session makes Tim look really bad. Most damningly, Toni reveals that everyone talks shit about Tim behind his back — including his loyal band mates. This doesn’t appear to be a surprise to anyone but Tim who refuses to believe it.

 

 

4. Willy Wonka tribute

Gregg’s Willy Wonka tributes are all over the place, from dressing up as Johnny Depp’s version of the character to staging his own version of the grandparent’s scene in the original movie.

The latter segment is a huge disappointment for Tim, who doesn’t understand what any of this had to do with the upcoming prequel and just wants to see “chocolate and Oompa Loompas.”

 

 

3. Oscar Doctor

Years ago Gregg advocated for a fan favorite “popular film” category for the Oscars.

Feeling irrationally vindicated now that this has actually happened, Gregg has an “Oscar Doctor” segment in which he offers solutions to bring audiences back to watch the Oscars. All of his ideas are simplistic new awards like “Best Ending” or “Best Robot.”

 

 

2. Dekkar reunion

Following up from the Wendy Kerby Valentine’s Day Special, Tim’s band Dekkar has reunited as a rock band with long term members Axiom and Manuel.

This reunion happens through several segments throughout the special. In one segment it’s revealed that former member Nick passed away. In the hastily made homage video Tim repeatedly mixes up Vinny with Nick. In pre-taped segments we also learn that Tim only sees his band mates as hired hands for his solo project.

The Dekkar reunion culminates in a show, which includes an new “Oscar Medley” jam-style song about movies nominated for Oscars this year. They finally finish on their one and only “hit” song, Empty Bottle, only for the power to go out. (For some reason the mics and cameras keep working.)

 

 

1. The wild ending

Throughout the special, troublemakers show up and drive an ATV behind the set and point laser pointers at Tim and others. It’s eventually revealed this same group is likely behind the power outage.

After hearing some gunshots, everyone takes cover. Gregg heroically evacuates everyone he can on his VFA tour bus. Meanwhile Tim has a meltdown in front of the aggressors, begging them to kill him before the screen goes black and the credits roll.

 

Honorable mentions

• Axiom’s national anthem-style rendition of Tim’s “Oscar Fever.”
• Longtime chili-based caterer Hank is back! Once again he’s getting a poor deal from Tim, despite being the proprietor of the upcoming HEI Noon Chili Saloon at HEI Ranch.
• Tim hired contractor Joe Crane to drill a water well in HEI Ranch. Unfortunately, the liquid that comes out is brown and stinks, and Joe Crane admits he may have simply drilled into a septic tank.
• Tim flubbing yet another actor’s name: “Benedict Pumpkinpatch.”
• LaRoux getting his wheelchair stuck in the dirt while everyone watches and the theme song from his TV show “Xposed” plays in the background.
• During “On Cinema’s Tribute To Director Cameos” we end on a segment from the movie Jack & Jill where Adam Sandler’s character has a conversation with sex offender and former Subway spokesman Jared Fogle.

I got to see this Oscar Special on the big screen again, this time at the New Parkway Theater in Uptown Oakland. Unfortunately the video stream was super unstable again this year, so I had to go back and watch it again (especially the first 20 minutes or so) after they put up the final cut online.

It’s sad that the stream had so many technical issues this year, because to be honest On Cinema’s absurd “coverage” of the Oscars is always going to be funnier and somehow more relevant than the real thing, no matter which actor slaps which comedian.