Posts Tagged ‘comedy’

The Two Commandments

May 23rd, 2011

With all this “rapture” nonsense over the weekend, I thought it was a good time to re-visit a classic George Carlin bit in which he narrows the 10 commandments down to a much more reasonable number, simply by cutting out the crap.

On Dane Cook’s “comedy” career

October 7th, 2009

The funny thing about Dane Cook is that he’s not funny.  This would be unremarkable were it not for his comedy albums, films, and TV specials.

How can a comedian who isn’t funny be so popular?

This was bothering me a while ago, but I’ve finally realized that every Cook fan I’d ever met was a frat guy. I think that explains it.

Here’s my screenplay of how Cook became famous. Imagine this happening in every dorm across the country.

INT. ROWDY FRAT HOUSE - NIGHT

   A party is taking place.  FRAT GUY is looking for action
   and SORORITY GIRL is bored and watching TV.  Dane Cook is on.
   SORORITY GIRL is staring at the screen.

           FRAT GUY approaches SORORITY GIRL.

                       FRAT GUY
           Hey, what's up?

                     SORORITY GIRL
                       (drinking)
           Watching Dane Cook.  He's funny!

                       FRAT GUY
                      (oblivious)
           Oh, yeah... um.  Dane Cook!  He's
           great.  Like that one thing he
           does, um...

                     SORORITY GIRL
           Could you hand me that beer?

                       FRAT GUY
                 (Hands her a beer and
                  sits next to her)
           Sure, here.

           She chugs the beer quickly.

                     SORORITY GIRL
           Ahh. Oh man.  Oh.  Hey.... you're
           so hot, I wanna **** *** **** ***
           ***!

   Sorority Girl smiles drunkenly and goes down out of the
   frame.  Frat Guy stretches and smiles in contentment.

INT. RECORD STORE - DAY

   In the comedy isle, FRAT GUY picks up every Dane Cook CD
   they have and puts it into his basket.

EXT. COLLEGE CAMPUS - DAY

   Outside a building, FRAT GUY is standing around waiting.
   SORORITY GIRL exits the door and he meets up with her.

                     FRAT GUY
           Hey, what's up?

                  SORORITY GIRL
                    (startled)
           Oh... uh.  Hi.  Not much.

                     FRAT GUY
           Hey, remember how you said you like
           Dane Cook?  Well I was just listening
           to his CDs and...

                  SORORITY GIRL
                   (confused)
           Dane who?  What are you talking about?

                   FRAT GUY
           I um... so you wanna...

                  SORORITY GIRL
                    (annoyed)
           Uh, I gotta go.

 

Makes sense? I hope so, because if that doesn’t explain Dane Cook, then I don’t know what does.