Shirtless Dog Man watches over Valencia

Shirtless dog man
Close up of shirtless dog man

Next time you’re getting a $60 haircut and going out for gringo Indian food, rest easy knowing that you’re safe under the watchful gaze of Shirtless Dog Man.

Before we go any further I’d like to dispel a common misconception. Contrary to popular belief, Shirtless Dog Man is not, in fact, a dog. He is a man with the head of a dog, and the shirtlessness of a man.

Wait, what’s that, you say? You are more afraid with Shirtless Dog Man watching your back? Try to think of it as a neighborhood watch program. And there’s no need to be racist here — just because Shirtless Dog Man is a chimera-American doesn’t mean he’s a criminal. The truth is, Shirtless Dog Man is keeping you safe.