The other day I noticed an inconspicuous flyer attached to a phone pole at 16th and Valencia. Upon further examination, this notice combines seemingly every stereotype about San Francisco circa 2017. Here’s the full text of the notice:
NOTICE OF OPERATION
From 5/23 to 6/5 automated delivery carts will be used at this location for the purpose of food delivery. Operation hours are 11 AM-4PM, 5 PM-12 AM Monday-Sunday.
Typically, the automated delivery carts will be supervised by a chaperone and loaded in a specially marked zone adjacent to the restaurant entry at 3109 16th St, Truly Mediterranean, during operation hours only.
If you have any concerns please contact:
1660 16th St.
San Francisco, CA 94107
For complaints or other related concerns, please contact 311.
If you haven’t heard, Marble has partnered with Yelp’s Eat 24 food delivery service for short range food delivery. Their robots are basically small self-driving cars that drive along the sidewalks, which is why the board of supervisors is already itching to ban them. (Why they have to drive on the sidewalk is beyond me.)
Anyway, so to sum this all up, here’s why this notice is essentially the essence of 2017 San Francisco distilled into a single document:
- Self-driving robots are seemingly everywhere, though they still require humans to watch over them.
- San Franciscans are too lazy to walk to a restaurant to pick up their falafel, would rather order delivery online.
- High tech robots stealing jobs from hard-working Americans.
- A public notice is required for seemingly anything and everything.
- The board of supervisors wants to ban it.
There aren’t many practical ways this could be more peak San Francisco, but that didn’t stop me from thinking of a few:
- The robot could be programmed to smoke pot and piss on the sidewalk.
- During its off hours, the robot could join political protests outside of City Hall.
- At Critical Mass, the robot could somehow get into a fight with a bicyclist.
- The robot could live in an overpriced apartment, sparking a wave of fully autonomous gentrification.
These are just a few ideas off the top of my head. See if you can come up with your own — unless you are a robot, in which case please don’t.