Archive for March, 2012

Ass so fat

March 31st, 2012

Ass so fat

Those aren’t very original hashtags. Not going to work well for searching; lern2tweet sticker guy.

And is it just me, or do the red letters almost seem to say Front 242?

Pagoda potty

March 27th, 2012

Pagoda potty

Fit for a Japanese emperor, don’t you think?

(Spotted at 20th and Dolores.)

Rad Dog is ready for summer

March 19th, 2012

Rad Dog: summer's near

You might recall Rad Dog, the sunglasses-wearing dog who gives advice and quotes 90′s Ice Cube films. Now it appears Rad Dog — like many of us — is ready for summer again after last week’s wind and rain.

(Spotted at 14th and South Van Ness.)

Gangster Smurf

March 13th, 2012

Clarion St. Copyright violation

Today’s youth know only of the Smurf’s wild adventures with Neil Patrick Harris in NYC. They’re too soft to be told stories of Smurf-on-Smurf gang violence that broke out over the only Smurf female. Those were tough times in Smurf Village.

In reality, the young children I saw wandering down Clarion Alley with their parents were learning all kinds of life lessons about human excrement, public urination, and alcoholism. I don’t think they even noticed Gangster Smurf.

Stripper pole truck

March 12th, 2012

Stripper pole truck

First came the food trucks, then the bookmobiles, the bloodmobiles, and now… the stripper pole truck. Has the truck-ification movement finally gone too far?

Alas, no strippers were to be found when I took this photo. Seeing as how this truck was in a church parking zone, I can only assume the strippers were at the Sunday service.

Spotted at Dolores and 16th.

Pipe vagina

March 12th, 2012

Pipegina

When you think of pipes, you don’t tend to think of female anatomy. Well, that’s where your wrong! Female pipes do exist. The above photo is one spotted in the wild; you can tell it’s female because it has a pipe vagina.

Spotted at 15th and Capp.

The (not so) many covers of Woman’s World magazine

March 7th, 2012

Women's World Woman's World Woman's World Woman's World Women's World Woman's World

Ever heard of Women’s World magazine? If you’ve shopped at Safeway, the answer is yes.

But have you ever stopped and read the covers, week after week? The magazine’s frequently contradictory headlines seem too overt not to be intentional. Seeing the need to document this, I went to great lengths to occasionally photograph the magazine cover while in line at Safeway when I had my phone with me and bothered to think about it.

And now: the results of my painstaking research. All covers of Woman’s World magazine that I found contain the following top headlines:

  • Fad diets. Keep in mind this is a weekly magazine. The target audience can’t even stick to one fad for more than seven days. Weekly diet tips are frequently compared to a gastric bypass, as though a gastric bypass was already under consideration.
  • Sugary deserts. Promises of a desert recipe are on every cover. The deserts are described as “feel good” or “instant bliss.” Often the deserts are described as though they were intended for family members, but not always.

In conclusion, this magazine is aimed at women who don’t have an internal conflict between making sweet deserts and becoming dangerously obese.

One could argue that all impulse buys based on denial. But does it need to be spelled out in bold headlines?

Oh and Safeway: why suggest a gastric bypass to your customers while they’re checking out? Isn’t that a bit mean? Or at the very least, shooting yourself in the foot?


An open letter.


This is an open letter to whoever photoshopped this:

Woman's World: creepy lady

You’re fired. That’s right — fired.

Now I know I’m not your boss. That’s just how bad this is. Think of it like a citizen’s arrest but for public displays of incompetence. I don’t care if the original photo depicted the rotten corpse of a woman who’s face had been torn apart by wolves, because the result of your failure at photo editing is far worse.

So I hope you can understand why you’re fired. Now gather your things and get the hell out.

Rare globe tree found on Capp St

March 7th, 2012

Globe tree

Ah yes, fellow safari travelers! This is a rare, exquisite example of the mythical “globe tree,” found only in the thickest of urban jungles.

Tandoori pipe

March 4th, 2012

Tandoori oven

Don’t have a tandoori oven? Turns out you can sort of make a ghetto-rigged tandoori from an old chimney pipe. But good luck getting the nann to stick. And try not to burn yourself.