Posts Tagged ‘humor’
SNL really nailed a parody of Insane Clown Posse’s latest video, “Miracles.”
But first, in the unlikely event you haven’t seen the Miracles video, here it is for reference.
Fuckin’ magnets… how do they work?
Okay, here’s SNL’s version.
You’re in the shower, and it’s time to shampoo. You flip the bottle around to read the instructions, and inevitably find the following:
Later, rise, repeat.
Let’s break this down into a flowchart.
Do you see the problem here? Nowhere does it state when you should stop shampooing. In other words there’s no “stop condition” in this set of instructions — it doesn’t say “repeat if your hair is still dirty,” it simply says “repeat.” Always. Forever.
If you follow these instructions, you will be in the shower for the rest of your life! I hope you’ve stocked up on enough shampoo to last until you starve to death in your shower of doom, lest you run out and be unable to follow directions.
But at least you’ll be clean when the coroner arrives.
No, the only choice you have is to NOT follow directions. You simply must disobey your shampoo bottle if you wish to live. It’s that important.
This conundrum calls into question many other instructions that you may follow blindly. If shampoo has misguided us, should we trust other directions? Maybe you should operate heavy machinery after taking NyQuil. Maybe you should let babies fall into plastic buckets. Maybe our pets should go in the microwave.
If we’re ever to trust product directions again, they’re going to have to change. As a first step, the shampoo manufacturers need to admit that we do not need to spend our lives trapped in the shower, lathering and rinsing.
Shampoo manufacturers, take heed: you need to add a stop condition to the directions to tell us when to stop and get out of the shower. Our lives are at stake. Thank you.
I’ve been noticing some strange ads lately for a company called Bell Plumbing North here in San Francisco. Their ad is one major WTF after another.
And then some.
Here’s the ad in question:
So there’s a smiling guy with the word PLUMBING in big red letters next to him. Not so strange… or is it?
Let’s look a little closer.
Yes, that’s a phone. It’s an ad for plumbing, and he’s holding a phone. Not a pipe; a PHONE.
What does a phone have to do with plumbing? Everybody knows you can call a plumber on a phone, you don’t need this concept presented visually.
Is the idea that you can use a telephone to call a plumber particularly surprising to anyone? The add effectively states “we’re not like those other plumbing places where you have to send a telegram.”
But it gets stranger — look at his shirt.
Do you see what I see? Because what I see is this:
But wait… that’s the logo for Bell Telephone. The guy in the ad is wearing a phone company uniform. Does he work for the phone company during the day, and moonlight as a plumber at night?
Or perhaps he’s the customer. He’s a phone operator, and the men’s room at the phone company is flooding, so he’s calling a plumber.
No explanation could possibly be satisfactory.
Lastly, let’s look at where this company advertises.
Yes… that’s the front cover of a phone book. They advertise on the PHONE BOOK. Phones… plumbing? Huh?
Where’s the connection? If they were a company that sold phones I would get it. But now I’m more confused than ever, and the circle of insanity is complete.
It wasn’t so much that Richard, a software engineer, sat in his cubical making animal noises all day — as it was that he was getting very little done. And what he had been doing needed a sort of Rosetta Stone to explain. If you never considered how one variable might be a “ghost” and another might be a “warrior,” and how each might be referred to using a cryptic dialect you made up, then you must not be Richard.
There are many such tales of absurdity in the world of professional software development. Richard’s boss, Taka, had to sort through that mess after Richard was let go. In an industry that wavers between extreme stress and extreme boredom, it’s cathartic to here about someone who’s in a worse position than you. And Taka is definitely one such engineer who knew about stress.
This aforementioned story, titled “A Peculilar System,” is one of many excellent tales collected by a programmer humor website called The Daily WTF. I read their site religiously and find it educational, hilarious, and, well, calming — all at the same time. If you’re a computer programmer with a sense of humor you’ll definitely enjoy The Daily WTF.
Here’s a few of my favorites from their site:
Bitten by the Enterprise Bug. Why develop a simple in-house tool when a third party “consultant” can write the same application with substantially more complexity?
The Virtudyne Saga. Sure, there’s Microsoft Office. But you’ve got a lot of money and could do better, right? Warning: several pages long, and completely insane.
Just a Wiring Problem. You’re familiar with the term “ad-hoc network”? Well if this network isn’t ad-hoc, I don’t know what is. If you’ve ever done any type of IT or repair for a living, and dealt with crazy clients, you can relate to this story.