Grump Cat wearing a bicycle helmet? I have no idea. Perhaps it’s a statement about bicycle helmet laws, or maybe I’m reading too much into it. Either way.
Spotted this wheatpaste during the Cinco de Mayo festival on Valencia.
Over at Steve Dombek’s Narrow Streets SF website, he proposes undoing America’s 20th century mistake of building ultra-wide streets here in San Francisco. Instead, the land would be sold off to build new housing, and we’d be left with traditional (or “narrow”) streets like you find in the rest of the world.
To look at one example, here’s Dombek’s plan for McAllister with before and after diagrams:
Seems like a nice plan, right? You get rid of the (largely wasted) space and put in new housing and retail.
But here’s the thing: where will all the money go from selling the land and the subsequent property tax? Well, that’s where my proposal comes in. Before the new structures get built, let’s dig a cut and cover subway underneath them.
I’m not sure McAllister Street would be the best fit for a subway, but to borrow Dombek’s diagram for illustrative purposes it could look something like this:
Personally my choice would be to build Muni Metro subways under a narrowed down South Van Ness and 19th Ave. to make up for Muni’s awful north/south service, and a new BART subway under a narrowed Geary Street. But those are just details.
The important point here is this: this is a way to kill two birds with one stone. And although I like birds, narrow streets with new subways is a win/win in my book. We can get this right.
For years we’ve been hearing about the benefits of harnessing clean energy. Our reliance on fossil fuels has caused toxic pollution, led to numerous wars, and has rapidly altered the planet’s climate.
While solar and wind have potential, let me explain one untapped source of renewable energy: hot takes on Twitter. See, hot takes could be used to heat water and drive a steam engine, must like coal, nuclear, and mirror-based solar power already do.
Here’s a diagram of my proposal carefully illustrated in MS Paint:
The way this works is quite simple:
In theory, if major national issues continue to be unresolved this could generate enough electricity to power the entire world. Imagine!
Every now and then you eat something at a cafe or restaurant that’s so good, you have to reverse engineer the recipe and make it yourself. Such is the case with San Francisco mini-chain Cafe Madeleine and their excellent butter lettuce salad.
Don’t know what butter lettuce is? Sometimes it’s called butterhead, Boston lettuce or bibb. You can find it at farmer’s markets, Whole Foods, Rainbow, etc., sold with the roots still attached. It’s kind of like romaine lettuce, except it’s actually good. Fuck romaine.
Do you really need directions? Pour it in a bottle and shake it up!
Put everything in a bowl and drizzle some vinaigrette over the thing. Salt and pepper to taste. Boom, done!
Recently Taqueria La Cumbre on Valencia got a fire engine red paint job. But far more bold than the color scheme is the claim painted on the building: “Birthplace of the Mission Style Burrito.”
As with any such claim, it’s a hotly contested one. As Wikipedia notes it’s not clear if Mission-style burritos were invented in San Francisco at all. Further adding to the confusion, La Cumbre’s “birthplace” claim refers to the building rather than La Cumbre because the burritos were originally sold there when a meat market occupied the space.
The truth is out there, but until someone invents a time machine we’ll never know for certain where Mission-style burritos came from. If anyone reading this happens to have a time machine and wants to research this, please give me a call — especially if it’s around lunch time.
Photo from littledelhisf.com
One of my favorite Indian restaurants in San Francisco is Little Delhi in the Tenderloin. Great food, reasonable prices, and they offer takeout and delivery. Can’t recommend them enough!
But you’d never know how great Little Delhi’s food is judging by their completely off the rails Twitter feed. Here’s the top 5 strangest things they’ve posted on Twitter so far.
5. The word “Restaurant.”
Their first Tweet back in 2010 is simply the word “Restaurant.” Not a bad start — after all Little Delhi is a restaurant. Maybe a tweet isn’t the right place for this information but at least it’s true and relevant.
4. Netflix’s login URL
If you visit the URL in this tweet you’ll be taken to a page where you can log in to your Netflix account. While Netflix might be useful for takeout customers who are looking for a TV show to binge on while eating, most customers probably have this information already. If not, Netflix is a quick Google search away.
3. Some lady reviewing a Play-Doh set on YouTube
Little Delhi is so excited about this woman’s toy review on YouTube that their tweet includes not one but two hearts! Hopefully no Play-Doh extruders are being used in food preparation, although personally I don’t really care as long as they clean the Play-Doh out first.
2. An iOS app that turns photos into caricatures
This tweet links you to an iOS app that turns photos into caricatures. I can’t even think of something snarky to say about how this could possibly be related to Little Delhi, that’s how strange this one is. Also, the app has terrible reviews.
1. Whatever the fuck this thing is
Finally, their #1 strangest tweet links to a surreal and somewhat disturbing video. The video’s creator took a certain European stop motion cartoon and edited it with new sounds and visual effects. And while I’m no World War 2 expert, I’m pretty sure that one guy’s voice is a recording of Adolph Hitler. Not normally the kind of thing one would associate with traditional North Indian cuisine.
So there you have it: this has got to be the strangest Twitter feed of any restaurant in the city. If you want to see more feel free to head over to their Twitter feed yourself. But you’d might as well call in an order for curry and naan while you’re at it.
Let’s face it: if you’re reading this, you’re the kind of person who’s familiar with the second Star Wars movie, The Empire Strikes Back. You’ve memorized the scene where Darth Vader reveals to Luke Skywalker: “I am your father.”
In a recent episode of The Flash, an evil villain played by Mark Hamill — Luke Skywalker himself! — makes the same revelation to his young trainee.
I’m dubbing this move the “Reverse Empire.”
I imagine the conversation went a little something like this:
“Hey, how should we decorate our storefront?”
“Well, all I have is this bike pump and a drawer full of balloons.”
“Uh… *scratches head* sounds kinda like a plan!”
And there you have it; a storefront filled with balloons.
(With apologies to Boards of Canada.)
Across from Dolores Park there’s a Christian Science church that’s been shuttered for a number of years. Recently a developer wanted to turn it into housing, but so far that hasn’t happened.
Over the weekend, several folks on Twitter pointed out an over-the-top, only in San Francisco dating ad on Craigslist. A young man has decided that he’s going to become a millionaire, and wants a woman to support him in this endeavor.
The original post is here. But since Craigslist posts expire, I’ve copied and pasted the entire ad:
Posted: 8 days ago
A Companion to Support Me on My Way to Become a Millionaire – 26 (pacific heights)
age : 26
I am handsome and fit
I am confident and determined
I am fascinating
I am not hella funny, I am fuckin hilarious
I am building a global company along with two local companies. I work hard and I am planning to reach the top. I will succeed, because that is what I do.
I am smart. I have three degrees. All Summa Cum Laude. One from Oxford and one from Edinburgh
I am wordly. I lived in several countries
I am a lion. I go to battle. I am not a spectator. I am on stage because I dare greatly.
I take responsibility for myself and have a hunger to accomplish my dreams Wanting something is not enough. You must hunger for it. Your motivation must be absolutely compelling in order to overcome the obstacles that will invariably come your way.
I am shooting for the moon and I want a companion to support me on way there
I will break the relationship after our first fight. There are thousands of woman who want to take your place and live their dreams. We don’t fight. we will love each other, laugh, have fun, and go on adventures. Fights and drama are for less evolved miserable married couples. Drama and pressure come from outside life and we will help each other overcome it, but it will not come from the relationship It’s me and you against the world. And we will fuck the world because we are menacing lions.
I am your lottery ticket in this life. Support me, love me, and do everything I want, and you will have the world and everything it.
Things to understand:
Life has no limitations, except the ones you make.
You must take action now that will move you towards your goals. Develop a sense of urgency in your life. I know what I want. If you are what I want. I will marry and have you move in with me the next day.
You need to have goals and ambitions. You will not just sit around in the house.
I have money, and I will spoil you from time to time, but you will not be a trophy wife that goes shopping everyday. A lot of money will go to my company not your dresses. But you will feel comfortable and you will not pay any more bills for the rest of your life. Once we reach the top, then you will get spoiled.
Just because Fate doesn’t deal you the right cards, it doesn’t mean you should give up. It just means you have to play the cards you get to their maximum potential. I am a full flush, take advantage of that.
Your ability to communicate is an important tool in your pursuit of your goals, whether it is with your family, your co-workers or your clients and customers. You need to have effective communication skills. This means that if we have a disagreement, it will be resolved very easily, will will not argue forever. In short, do you see the typical girls that fight with their boyfriends for hours. That is the enemy. Do you see the rare couples that have dreams, ambitions, and a clear destiny that makes it almost impossible to fight over dumb things like average couple who fight over dumb things because they have nothing else to do. Think of Frank Underwood and Clair from House of Cards, or even Jay Z and Beyonce. That is what I want. I am emphasizing this, because drama is my ultimate turn off.
If you are not that experienced and do not have a lot of knowledge, I do not mind to make you my protege as long as you work hard, read the books I give you, and do the things I tell you.
The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.
Without ambition one starts nothing. Without work one finishes nothing. The prize will not be sent to you. You have to win it.
Circumstances are the rulers of the weak; they are but the instruments of the wise
Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change. Perception is reality. you can create a perfect reality by creating the perfect perception
When in a relationship, a real man doesn’t make his woman jealous of others, he makes others jealous of his woman, and vice versa.
We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future
Listen to the impossible dream
Send a message with a face picture, and put “DREAM” in the subject line
do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers
Yikes. But this raises a question: is it a genuine attempt at finding a lady, or a parody? There’s no way to tell — in extreme cases like this, sarcasm is imperceptible due to Poe’s Law. Still, who doesn’t remember the “I’m on top of the world!” feeling of being 26 years old and snorting your first line of coke?
Clearly this needed to be escalated either way. So I decided to respond the only way I really know how: with a couple shots of tequila and maximum troll mode engaged.
Please understand that while my inner body is male, my furry persona, Tigera, is a female (with fully functioning parts if you must know.) Like you, I have a powerful ambition to accomplish my dreams no matter what obstacle comes my way.
For example the zipper on my fursuit got stuck several years ago, but I’ve learned to overcome these circumstances in spite of the smell that comes with not having bathed in quite some time. No matter! Folks like you and me shoot for the moon, but we end up on Mars instead. Who has time for the moon? Neil Armstrong is a poser.
Maybe I’m not exactly what you had in mind, but like you said: perception IS reality. Value creating winners like us don’t let the rules dictate our lives because we’re the ones dictating the rules. Other people’s rules say you should go to a university and get good grades. To hell with that! I made my own rules: I went to every university in the world at the same time, took every single course, and graduated at the top of my class. All before lunch.
Do you think I answered my professors’ questions in class? Nope, circumstances only rule the weak. Instead the professors had questions for me, like “Why are you in that fursuit?” or “Can you take that thing off?” or “What’s that awful smell?” But I kept my mouth shut and powered through — that’s why I have over 83,064 Ph.Ds.
There wasn’t a filing cabinet big enough to hold all of my prestigious degrees, so I started a multinational chain of office supply stores specializing in over-sized filing cabinets, worked my little tiger butt off until it was a Fortune 500 company, then sold it to Office Max.
Should I ever escape my fursuit, I’m going to use my millions of dollars to buy a new one that has a built in jetpack and laser gun. I am Iron Man.
Anyway Mr. Lion, please drop a line if you like what you see. I have to go now to bench press an entire gym, but I’m very interested in your book recommendations.
All the best,
Tigera has yet to hear back. I’ll update this post if she gets a response.